STEP 2: Develop Skill in Grounding Awareness by Softening

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"Monks, whoever develops & pursues mindfulness immersed in the body encompasses whatever skillful qualities are on the side of clear knowing." MN 119 The Buddha.

In STEP 2 your focus is on developing skill in softening physically and mentally to allow awareness to ground within your body (kaya-gata sati) as an establishment of mindfulness. 

HOW TO DO THIS MEDITATION

• *This section provides context for your daily meditation.
• Read Instruction: Creating a Daily Meditation Practice 
• Read Instruction: Understanding Softening and Grounding

THESE ARE YOUR MEDITATIVE TRAINING 

• *This section contains the meditation skills that you will develop.
• Meditation Skill 01: Retrain Your Breathing
• Meditation Skill 02: Learn How to Soften
• Meditation Skill 03: Skill of Softening Into

THIS MENU TELLS YOU WHAT TO DO NEXT

• *This is a map to track your progression and is at the end of each STEP.
• Progressive Menu for PATH 1 &  2

*These are links back to your meditation path menu

RETURN TO PATH 1

RETURN TO PATH 2

Your first goal is towards developing a habit of meditating daily. Yes that's right, the desire to meditate is a healthy habit that can and should be developed. 

     At first you may find that your mind throws up all sorts of reasons why you should miss todays meditation: Too busy, too tired, too...., don't believe it. This is just your old habits talking to you. If you want to change your life you need to go against these urges. As the Buddha said: "Swim against the stream", the current of habits, the current of old patterns. 

For positive change to happen you need to start mimicking the life you want to live, now.

Start by setting a regular time for your daily meditation, something that is achievable, and committing to it. Once committed to a specific time, stick to it; be careful of giving your mind mixed messages here. It is also helpful to have a regular place for meditating, the corner of a room, a quiet chair, your car, somewhere you won't be disturbed by worldly concerns. You can add a blanket, a statue, some candles to create an atmosphere.

SOMETIMES MEDITATION IS UNCOMFORTABLE

It is important to recognise that your meditation is not always going to be enjoyable. Some meditations feel comfortable, others don't. Since the techniques that are used in meditation challenge habits of the mind, and your body is adjusting to sitting still, some meditations will feel uncomfortable. This is a normal part of any exercise routine, be it physical or mental, especially in the beginning.

     Committing to the time you have set for your meditation, regardless of how it feels, develops resilience, determination and understanding about yourself that will lead to life changing insight. It also creates a feeling of achievement and trust in your own ability. It is this commitment rather than how good you think the meditation is, that will start to change the behaviour of your mind.

Meditation being an experiential world contains its own language. Make yourself familiar with the meaning of the meditative words 'softening' and 'grounding' by reading the next article in this section.

• Read Instruction: Understanding Softening & Grounding

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Meditative skill in both softening and grounding are important because they address the first six Meditative Hindrances in mindfulness of breathing, bring balance to energy and create a foundation for the development of insight.

Softening is the skill of abandoning, of giving up, of releasing of effort within the body and within the mind. Softening is pleasurable and should always be so, it has an intimate relationship with mindfulness, joy and tranquility.

Softening is observed as:

• The transformation of the mental tightness, heaviness, rigidity, of resistance; into the softness, lightness, pliability of acceptance. 

Softening is experienced as:

• The subtle pleasure that arises through abandoning effort within the body.
• The subtle pleasure of happiness and and contentment that arises through abandoning all 'doing' within the mind.

Softening is applied by:

• Observing and relaxing into the underlying effort beneath feelings of attraction, aversion or indifference towards your present experience.

Attraction, aversion and indifference are experienced as:

• Attraction is the tendency of the mind to cling onto, as: "I want this".
• Aversion is the tendency to push away, as: "I don't want this".
• Indifference is the tendency to ignore, as: "this does not concern me". 

Habitual patterns are deconditioned by:

• Softening the effort that underlies attraction, aversion and indifference that embedded habitual patterns fade and break.

Enlightenment Factors cultivated by softening are:

• Softening into your body naturally establishes mindfulness.
• Curiosity in regards to abandoning arouses investigation.
• Effort is balanced by softening attraction, aversion and indifference.
• Joy arises through accessing the subtle pleasure of abandoning within the body and mind.
• Tranquility arises as the expression of abandoning, of giving up, of releasing.

Grounding is the skill of immersing awareness within your body to withdraw it from the habitual patterns of your mind. Withdrawing awareness from the mind stream creates space around thoughts, feelings, emotions and reactions allowing you to mindfully self-observe to develop insight into their autonomous nature (anatta).

Grounding of awareness is developed by gently softening/relaxing it into the sensate quality of your body, until your body becomes as if self-aware. This means you have a felt sense of being aware of the world through your body, rather than through your intellectual mind. More simply: you live through your heart rather then your head.

Once awareness is immersed within the body there are great benefits: 

1. Softening of awareness into your body naturally establishes mindfulness.
2. It creates a grounding (reference) point from which habitual movements of attention can be observed as attention moves to thoughts, sounds etc. 
3. It increases your sensitivity to the various sensations within your body allowing you to observe your mind through changing bodily sensation.
4. It frees you from becoming lost within habitual patterns of behaviour because it automatically establishes mindfulness. In this way it protects you.

TIP: Grounding awareness within your body withdraws awareness from the mind sense.

Now that you have some understanding of the meaning of softening and grounding, it is time for you to make these your own experience through meditation.

There are three Meditation Skills that you will be learning in STEP 2. Take your time with each, be curious and playful in your approach and you will do well. Each Meditation Skill contains its own guided meditation and instructions.

• Begin Your Meditation: Meditation Skill 01: Retrain Your Breathing

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1. Become familiar with the Meditation Summary (this section).
2. Read the Meditation Instructions or listen to the You Tube Video.
3. Use the Guided Meditation at least once to become familiar with the technique.
4. Learn to meditate without guidance to help you develop skill and insight.

This guided meditation is also available on Insight timer meditation app.

• How Long to Meditate: 35 min, 1-2 times daily.
• Hindrances to Meditation: Desire to control and fear of giving up control.
• Enlightenment Factor Cultivated: Joy as the pleasure of abandoning.
• Meditation Progression: A sign of progression is when your reactivity lowers and your ability to deeply relax during each meditation session increases.
• Progression to Next Skill: You are ready to progress to Meditation Skill 02 when diaphragmatic breathing happens naturally after you have finished your meditation session. Diaphragmatic breathing is the experience of the movement of breathing being felt in the belly when you are in a rested state. This is different to stress breathing which tends to be in the lower ribs or area of the upper chest.

• READ: Meditation Instructions
• READ: Meditation Questions (new page)
• JOIN A CLASS: Online Meditation Classes
• POST YOUR QUESTION: MIDL Community Subreddit
• PERSONAL GUIDANCE: Personal Guidance Available

Your development of skill in softening begins by retraining your breathing patterns, over the period of one to four weeks, in order to make diaphragmatic breathing (breathing in your belly), your normal way of breathing. 

This has three benefits to your meditation practice and daily life:

1. It will lower your experience of stress & anxiety.
2. It will create a basis for developing the MIDL Softening skill.
3. It will aid in settling your mind as a prerequisite for mindfulness of breathing.

  ***This meditation deconstructs the stress response and challenges the minds habitual defenses, like anxiety.  If not sure, check with your doctor before doing this training***

If you are having trouble with this breathing technique this is probably because you are over-striving due to the experience of anxiety. Do not concern yourself, this is part of learning to relax in meditation. 

Just keep practicing this technique daily (it works!) with curiosity towards what it means to relax, give up, let go. The key is to find the pleasure in the relaxing with your breathing, the simplicity of letting go. Learn to feel rather than think your way through this.

Guidance is Available

If you would like personal guidance I can help you lower your experience of stress and anxiety with simple softening meditation techniques. I will help find the best pathway for you and with gentle guidance help you naturally experience more freedom in your life.

Private sessions are available for lowering stress and anxiety. More Information

Read the meditation instructions below, they have been laid out in a simple step by step process. Once familiar with the instructions for your meditation you can either begin your meditation using the above guided meditation or if confident by follow the below instructions. 

• Read instruction: Meditation Skill 01

BACK TO TOP

It can be helpful to use the above guided meditation a number of times to give you a feel of the rhythm and pace of this meditation. Combine the recorded guidance with the written instructions below, and your own experience to develop skill. Once you are confident you can stop using the recording and meditate under your own guidance. This has the added benefit of cultivating mindfulness and curiosity. Always try to find the subtle pleasure in your meditation, how nice it is to relax, the pleasure of abandonment, its sense of ease.

This meditation is done lying on the floor: on a yoga mat or blanket. You can place a pillow under your head, and a rolled blanket under the knees to relax your abdominals. Place both your palms just below your belly button, with fingers touching in the middle, pressing slightly inwards. Pressing in slightly with your fingers allows you to feel the movement of your lower abdomen as you breathe.

(20-30 repetitions) 

Begin by slowly extending the lower part of your abdomen upwards towards the ceiling, see if you can notice how this causes breath to draw in through your nose. Then slowly lower your lower abdominals back down again, and see if you can notice how this causes breath to go back out through your nose. At first this may feel strange, but with practice it will become comfortable. Be playful, find your own rhythm and pace, learn to feel your way through this.

TIP: The part of the abdomen that is used during this meditation is the V shaped muscle just below the belly button. When this V shaped muscle is raised away from the body the breath is drawn in through the nose. When it is lowered back down again the breath goes back out through the nose. Think of this movement being like moving the handle on a pump, your nose is the air filter that air in drawn in and out of.

Once you have found the rhythm of breathing in your lower abdomen, start to slow down the movement. It is the slowness of the movement that increases the range and strength of your diaphragm. Be careful of bringing any stress and strain into your abdominal breathing, it should be firm yet gentle. Learn to feel rather than think your way through it. When the movement is right it will feel comfortable and pleasurable, like a good thing to do. Be curious in regards to what it means to relax by breathing slowly in this way, curious in regards to what it means to experience the pleasure of giving up, letting go.

TIP: Due to weakness in your lower abdominal muscles this may at first feel awkward. With practice the movement will feel solid and yet relaxed.

(20-30 repetitions)

The next stage is to learn how to breathe from your lower abdomen, up into your chest. I find it helpful to think of my body being like a hot air balloon, filling from the bottom and inflating upwards and outwards as the breath comes in.  

      To prepare for this next stage leave one palm below your belly button and place the other on the top of your chest, just below your collar bone. Start each breath below your belly button so that your lower hand begins to lift slightly. As it begins to lift, bring the breath through your lower ribs to the top of your chest, filling it like a balloon.

     Each out-breath is then released slowly, allowing your whole body to deflate like a balloon and relax. The image of this is of a balloon inflating and deflating, the base of the balloon is the abdomen, the balloon itself the chest. The experience of this is that the upper body muscles are no longer involved in breathing, rather that they rest fully relaxed on the inflation and deflation of your lungs.

• In-breath: Lower abdomen –> ribs open –> chest inflates.
• Out-breath: Allow your whole body to relax with the deflation. 

TIP: It is helpful to push your ribs outwards a little to physically help your chest lift and open. It is important to note that during this exercise you no longer raise and lower the abdomen fully as in the previous exercise. This was done as an exercise specifically for the diaphragm muscle. Extending the belly all the way outwards stops the breath from moving up into the ribs and chest. So if you find this happens it can be helpful to slightly suck your belly inward on the in-breath until this habit goes away. The important part is that you perceive each in-breath starting below your belly button.

(15-45 minutes)

On the last out-breath allow your body to deflate fully, then relax, and wait for the breath to come back in by itself. It is important to trust this, your body knows how to breathe, it doesn't need your help. Think of this as a lesson in giving up control. When the carbon dioxide levels are low enough your brain will fire a signal for the diaphragm to draw down to breathe in. When we first experience this it is a revelation, wow, I don't have to do the breathing, it is autonomous (anatta), and it feels so much nicer when I let go of this duty.

TIP: If you find that you are unable to stop controlling your breathing at this stage, it is helpful to distract your attention. You can do this by becoming aware of the pressure of your body on the floor, the relaxation of it. Just relax, be aware of your body and after a few seconds your brain will naturally fire a signal to draw the next breath in. As the breath draws in you will feel your diaphragm engage in your lower belly, moving freely and gently. Simply relax and allow the breathing to happen by itself while keeping bare awareness of it. After a few minutes your breathing will settle down and find its own rhythm and pace. Stay still for a period of time, not doing anything at all.

Now that you are familiar with the meditation instructions it is time to setup and begin your daily meditation. In this section I have provided a guided meditation to help you to become familiar with the structure of this particular meditation skill. Once familiar it is always helpful to learn to meditate without guidance, to make the skill your own.

1. Use the Guided Meditation at least once to become familiar with this technique.
2. Learn to meditate daily without guidance to help you develop skill and insight.
3. Keep meditating until you fulfill the below progression criteria.

PROGRESSION

You are ready to progress to Meditation Skill 02  when diaphragmatic breathing happens naturally after you have finished your meditation session. Diaphragmatic breathing is the experience of the movement of breathing being felt in the belly when you are in a rested state. This is different to stress breathing which tends to be in the lower ribs or area of the upper chest. This meditation skill will significantly lower your experience of stress and anxiety during the meditation session and for some time afterwards. 

BACK TO MENU

1. Become familiar with the Meditation Summary (this section).
2. Read the Meditation Instructions or listen to the You Tube Video.
3. Use the Guided Meditation at least once to become familiar with the technique.
4. Learn to meditate without guidance to help you develop skill and insight.

 This guided meditation is also available on Insight Timer meditation app.

• How Long to Meditate: 30 min, 1-2 times daily.
• Hindrances to Meditation: Habitual busyness and physical restlessness.
• Enlightenment Factor Cultivated: Joy as the pleasure of abandoning.
• Meditation Progression:  A sign of progression is when you can deeply relax with each out-breath and you feel comfortable sitting still in meditation.
• Progression to Next Skill: You are ready to progress to Meditation Skill 03 when you no longer experience physical restless during meditation.

• READ: Meditation Instructions
• READ: Meditation Questions (new page)
• JOIN A CLASS: Online Meditation Classes
• POST YOUR QUESTION: MIDL Community Subreddit
• PERSONAL GUIDANCE: Private Guidance Available

Your development of skill in softening continues by learning to feel and 'borrow' the natural relaxation that arises within your body when you abandon all effort with each out-breath. The word 'borrow' means to align your awareness with the subtle pleasure of the relaxation of each out-breath, and to borrow it in the same way that you would borrow the momentum when pushing a swing in a park. Just as you align your momentum with the momentum of the swing when pushing it to borrow that momentum; you align your awareness with the subtle pleasure of the relaxation of your body with each out-breath, to borrow the subtle pleasure of relaxation.

Read the meditation instructions below, they have been laid out in a simple step by step process. Once familiar with the instructions for your meditation you can either begin your meditation using the above guided meditation or if confident by follow the below instructions.

• Read Instructions: Meditation Skill 02: Learn How to Soften

BACK TO TOP

This Meditation Skill is quite simple so it is beneficial to only use the guided meditation once or twice to get a feel for its structure. Combine the recorded guidance with the written instructions below, and your own experience to develop skill. Once you are confident you can stop using the recording and meditate under your own guidance. Learning to soften into your body is a felt skill, and needs to be cultivated at your own rhythm and pace. While softening into your body, always try to find the subtle pleasure in the deflation of each out-breath, how nice it is to relax, the pleasure of abandonment, its sense of ease.

This meditation is done sitting upright so that you can more easily feel the inflation and deflation of your body with each breath. You may sit comfortably in a supportive chair, use a kneeling stool or sit cross legged on the floor. The important part is that you are upright and will not have a fear of falling as you relax your body.

(10 repetitions)

Seated, place the tips of your fingers just below your belly button and slightly press in. Gently lift your fingers by slowly extending your lower abdominal muscles outwards, drawing the breath in. Slowly lower your fingers back inwards again by releasing your lower abdominal muscles to let the breath go out. Tune into how good it feels, the subtle pleasure of each release.

(Repeat 10 times with step 3)

Leave one palm below your belly button and the other at the top of your chest. Start by breathing in your belly then push your ribs out a little and bring the breath into the top of your chest. As your body deflates with the out-breath relax your chest, shoulders and upper back. Feel your body become heavy. Abandon all effort with each deflation.

     Be curious in regards to what it means to 'borrow' the natural relaxation of each out-breath. There is an inherent pleasure of relaxation, as sense of ease, of release, that can be accessed every time your body deflates with each out-breath. Begin to cultivate the Enlightenment Factor of Joy by accessing the subtle pleasure of that release, the abandonment, the letting go of effort in your body.

(15-45 minutes)

Lower your hands and allow your breathing to calm naturally until it is flowing freely by itself. Breathing will become gentle, still, free from control. Align your awareness with the gentle deflation of each out-breath, giving up all effort to control the breathing along its length. Allow your body to become heavy and your mind to become settled and still. 

     Observe the desire to control as over-effort and relax this effort whenever it arises. Investigate what it means to align your awareness with the natural deflation of your body with each out-breath.

Be curious in regards to:

• Learn what it means to give up all effort within your body. To allow gravity to balance you and the earth to support you.
• Learn what it means to access the subtle pleasure of your body as it relaxes with each out-breath.
• Learn what it means to align your awareness with the pleasure of abandoning, of giving up, of releasing of effort within your body.

Now that you are familiar with the meditation instructions it is time to begin your daily meditation. In this section I have provided a guided meditation to help you to become familiar with the structure of this particular meditation skill. Once familiar it is always helpful to learn to meditate without guidance, to make the skill your own.

1. Use the Guided Meditation at least once to become familiar with this technique.
2. Learn to meditate daily without guidance to help you develop skill and insight.
3. Keep meditating until you fulfill the below progression criteria.

PROGRESSION

You are ready to progress to Meditation Skill 03 when you no longer experience physical restless during meditation.

BACK TO MENU

1. Become familiar with the Meditation Summary (this section).
2. Read the Meditation Instructions or listen to the You Tube Video.
3. Use the Guided Meditation at least once to become familiar with the technique.
4. Learn to meditate without guidance to help you develop skill and insight.

This guided meditation is also available on Insight Timer meditation app.

• How Long to Meditate: 30 min, 1-2 times daily.
• Hindrances to Meditation: Habitual busyness and mental restlessness.
• Enlightenment Factor Cultivated: Joy as the pleasure of abandoning.
• Meditation Progression: A sign of progression is when you can borrow the pleasure of relaxation found in each out-breath and allow it to enter your mind.
• Progression to Next Skill: You are ready to progress to TIER 1 Mindfulness of Breathing when you understand how to access deep physical and mental relaxation during your meditation session by softening physical and mental effort.

Important Note: 

It is important to note that you will still experience thinking, mind wandering and forgetting at this stage. Your focus while developing skill in softening is towards abandoning all effort. Any imbalances within your attention will be addressed in TIER 1 & 2 Mindfulness of Breathing. These do not need to be overcome to progress at this stage.

• READ: Meditation Instructions
• READ: Meditation Questions (new page)
• JOIN A CLASS: Online Meditation Classes
• POST YOUR QUESTION: MIDL Community Subreddit
• PERSONAL GUIDANCE: Private Guidance Available

In this Meditation Skill, you refine your skill in allowing the pleasure of the relaxation of your body to enter your mind, in order to develop 'mindful non-participation'. Mindful non-participation is a structure of attention that neither grasps onto or pushes away any experience. By allowing yourself to mentally relax with the deflation of each out-breath, a naturally tendency towards abandonment will be trained within your mind. As this abandonment grows, stillness will arise. Your ability to soften into stillness will allow you to be with difficult experiences without reacting to them during mindfulness of breathing. 

     It is important when softening to tune into the subtle pleasure that arises both in the body and mind with each abandoning, and to gentle smile into with your eyes to allow the joy of abandoning to grow within your mind. Without accessing the subtle pleasure of abandoning, and cultivating joy, your mind will not see any reason to change habitual behaviour and the meditative path, based upon abandoning, will not reveal itself.

Read the meditation instructions below, they have been laid out in a simple step by step process. Once familiar with the instructions for your meditation you can either begin your meditation using the above guided meditation or if confident by follow the below instructions.

• Read Instructions: Meditation Skill 03: Skill of Softening Into

BACK TO TOP

As in the previous Meditation Skill, this technique is quite simple so it is beneficial to only use the above guided meditation once or twice to get a feel for its structure. Combine the recorded guidance with the written instructions below, and your own experience to develop skill. Once you are confident you can stop using the recording and meditate under your own guidance. Learning to borrow relaxation so it enters your mind is a felt skill, and needs to be cultivated at your own rhythm and pace. While mentally softening, always try to find the subtle pleasure in abandoning mental effort, how nice it feels, its sense of ease.

This meditation is done sitting upright so that you can more easily feel the inflation and deflation of your body with each breath. You may sit comfortably in a supportive chair, use a kneeling stool or sit cross legged on the floor. The important part is that you are upright and will not have a fear of falling as you relax your body.

Seated, with your hands resting in your lap, take a gentle breath in from below your belly button and gradually move that breath up so that your chest inflates like a balloon. Feel your body gently stretch from the inside outwards like a yoga stretch. Tune into how good it feels, the subtle pleasure of it.

(Repeat 10 times with Step 2)

As your body deflates with the out-breath relax your chest, shoulders and upper back. Abandon all effort with each deflation. The key is to borrow the natural deflation of your body by aligning your awareness with the movement of the out-breath, not to control the breathing itself. 

     There is an inherent pleasure of relaxation, as sense of ease, of release, that can be accessed every time your body deflates with each out-breath. Begin to cultivate the Enlightenment Factor of Joy by accessing the subtle pleasure of that release, the abandonment, the letting go of effort in your body.

(Repeat 10 times with Step 2 & 3)

Now add one extra stage to bring the relaxation of your body into your mind. Concurrent with the deflation of each out-breath, focus on the centre of your forehead and extend the length of the breath through your nose by slowing it down. Deeply feel the relaxation in that slow release of breath. Make each out-breath more gentle, slow and calm. Allow yourself to feel the pleasure of this relaxation, the feeling of mentally sinking along the length of each breath. Smile into this subtle pleasure with your eyes, allow the subtle pleasure of abandoning to gradually enter your mind and dissolve all mental effort.

Once mental relaxation develops give up all effort and allow your breathing to become gentle and natural. Relax your breathing until all effort has dissolved. Bring awareness to the centre of your chest and be aware of the gentle stretch of your body as the breath draws in; like a yoga stretch. Tune into how nice it feels. 

     Experience the deflation of each out-breath as it occurs naturally by itself, tuning into the subtle pleasure available in each deflation; each natural abandoning. Breath comes in, feel the gentle stretch, breath goes of, access the pleasure of abandoning, releasing, letting go. Allow your mind to become settled and still. Smile into this subtle pleasure with your eyes, allow it to fill your mind as the joy of abandoning, the happiness and contentment of release.

     Play with how little effort you can put into your breathing. Slightly slow down each out-breath through your nose and see if you can experience any relaxation within the area of the frontal lobes of your brain. Observe, how when this area of the frontal lobes relaxes, that all thinking stops, mental activity settles down, and softness enters your mind.

Be curious in regards to:

• Learn what it means to give up all effort within your mind while maintaining clear knowing of the pleasure of abandoning.
• Learn what it means to access the subtle pleasure of your body as it relaxes and to allow this pleasure, sense of ease to enter your mind.
• Learn what it means to align your awareness with the pleasure of abandoning, of giving up, of releasing of effort within your body and mind.

Now that you are familiar with the meditation instructions it is time to begin your daily meditation. In this section I have provided a guided meditation to help you to become familiar with the structure of this particular meditation skill. Once familiar it is always helpful to learn to meditate without guidance, to make the skill your own.

1. Use the Guided Meditation at least once to become familiar with this technique.
2. Learn to meditate daily without guidance to help you develop skill and insight.
3. Keep meditating until you fulfill the below progression criteria.

PROGRESSION

You are ready to progress to TIER 1 Mindfulness of Breathing when you understand how to access deep physical and mental relaxation during your meditation session by softening physical and mental effort.

• View the Progressive Menu to see your next step

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STEP 1: COMPLETED: You have chosen PATH 1

STEP 2: COMPLETED: You have completed Softening

YOUR NEXT STEP

READ: INSTRUCTION: TIER 1 Mindfulness of Breathing

STEP 1: COMPLETED: You have chosen PATH 2

STEP 2: COMPLETED: You have completed Softening

YOUR NEXT STEP

READ: INSTRUCTION: TIER 1 Mindfulness of Breathing

BACK TO MENU