16/52: Observing Attention 2
17/52: Training Attention 1
18/52: Training Attention 2
19/52: Flickering of Attention
20/52: Observing Thinking
MENU QUESTIONS 21 - 25
Your Question: Is there a difference between being aware of my hands and thinking about my hands? I don't think I know how to be aware of them without thinking about them. Similarly, once I'm aware of a thought, since I know I'm not supposed to think, that thought stops and is replaced with "I'm thinking" or "don't think". So the beginning and end of the thought collapse into each other. The whole thing leaves me feeling like I'm struggling and confused about what I'm supposed to be doing. It would be so much easier to simply watch my breathing, which is how I have meditated before.
Stephen Procter: You said: "It would be so much easier to simply watch my breathing, which is how I have meditated before."
Reply: Yes it is true that it would be much easier to simply watch your breathing, but what understanding would you develop from just watching your breath come in and out? You may develop enough concentration to suppress your thinking and feel peaceful while sitting in meditation, but you will not develop any understanding about the habitual patterns within your mind. To develop understanding of habitual patterns within your mind you need to structure your attention in a very specific way. This means not using your meditation object, such as breathing, to anchor your attention in one place but rather allowing your mind to wander and using your meditation object as a reference point from which to observe when your attention moves.
You said: "Is there a difference between being aware of my hands and thinking about my hands?"
Reply: Yes there is a difference, thinking about your hands is concerned with the shape and form of your body creating an imaginary border around them that gives rise to the feeling of separateness. When being purely aware of your hands touching the actual experience is made up of sensations such as warm or cool, soft or hard, wet or dry, etc. When just being aware of the touch of the hands there is no thought: "My hands are touching", but just awareness of the sensations of touch.
You said: "Similarly, once I'm aware of a thought, since I know I'm not supposed to think, that thought stops and is replaced with "I'm thinking" or "don't think". So the beginning and end of the thought collapse into each other."
Reply: It is not that you are not meant to think during this mindfulness training but rather that you are developing the ability to observe thinking itself. You have noticed some wonderful things during this meditation that teach you about the habitual processes of your mind. First you have clearly observed that you have no control over your thoughts; they come and go regardless of whether you want them to. You also clearly observed how your mind replaces one thought with another and likes to comment such as: "That thought stops and is replaced with "I'm thinking" or "don't think". This commenting is habit talking to you.
You said: "So the beginning and end of the thought collapse into each other. The whole thing leaves me feeling like I'm struggling and confused about what I'm supposed to be doing. "
Reply: This is the doorway to deep insight into the nature of reality, you are observing the impermanent and uncontrollable nature of thinking. The feeling of struggle and confusion is your habitual defense against anything that changes and is out of your control within your life. This is what mindfulness meditation is about, uncovering and observing these habitual defense patterns. When any struggle or confusion arise, make them your meditation object. Notice where you experience them within your body and use your MIDL Softening skill to soften / relax your relationship towards them. This creates the path.
There was a lot going on here, it was just missing the context of what you were doing during meditation. What we are observing is ordinary, very ordinary and that is what makes it so special. MIDL Mindfulness Training is designed to allow us to see this.
Your Question: I continue to struggle with the meditation of recognizing when thinking begins or ends.
Stephen Procter: Do not concern yourself if you cannot observe the beginning and ending of thinking. What you can observe is simply every time you become lost within thinking, observing these habitual patterns of your mind. You can also observe the uncontrollable nature of thinking and the collapse of your mindfulness when you become lost within it, this is where the insight is to be found.
The ability to observe when thinking begins will happen naturally when your mindfulness is strong enough and mental factors are in balance, it is not something that you can just do. If the factors are not in balance it does not matter how much effort you put in, it still won't happen. Your striving to observe thinking actually feeds it through creating energy, relax the striving. It is the continuity of mindfulness that is needed here not more effort to watch.
Whenever struggle arises within your mind observe the experience of the struggle itself. What does it feel like to struggle, to strive, to try? Use your MIDL Softening skill to soften / relax deeply into the desire to achieve.
Learn how to soften deeply, very deeply. The very act of striving to see creates agitation which collapses tranquility; the stillness of mind. I know this because this was my weakness from which my teacher had to guide me. Your task during these mindfulness training is to put in just enough effort to observe what you are experiencing now and your relationship towards it. Instead of putting emphasis on catching the beginning of each thought and not thinking, start by observing what this process is trying to teach you in terms of its uncontrollable and habitual nature.
You are following your meditation object and suddenly you notice that you are lost within thinking - don't you find that strange?
Why did your awareness of your main meditation object collapse and also your awareness that you were meditating disappear?
These are the points to take interest in. Also start to observe the impermanence of awareness and also how you have absolutely no control over the thinking process. It is not that you are thinking your thoughts but that your thoughts are thinking you - observe this. When you come out of a thought observe the quality of your awareness now that you are out of it, the clarity. Also reflect on the clarity of your awareness when you were lost within the thought. Investigating these is where you will get the juice.
Your Question: I was noticing like if my mind was starting to "move" to create a thought and in that moment something was sort of whispering to me "look! It's starting to create a thought!" And just after that my mind was wondering "isn't this a thought itself? so I just wonder now, when is it actually a thought or just the moment of awareness of what's going on?
Stephen Procter: Awareness of a thought, such as its beginning or ending, arises as a knowing. The verbalization about what is already known is a thought. Thoughts can arise as a sight, sound, smell, taste or sensation; one of the five senses and contains all the information needed within it. For example, you can look at a flower and know that it is a flower. You can also know if the flower is partly or fully open, tall or short. You can also know its colour and its type if you have seen it before. Knowing within itself contains no commentary - no thinking.
When you look at the flower and know it, then your mind may say, "Isn’t the flower beautiful" "I really like this flower, I wonder where I can buy one?" "I am going to pick this flower so I can bring it home and continue to enjoy it" "It is beautiful but it’s not as beautiful as the flowers in my garden". This over-layed commentary is thinking.
This is one of the minds tasks, to verbalize the experience of the world as it enters through the five senses and give it relevance in terms of "me". The verbalizing you experienced is your mind overlaying a commentary to try to make sense of what you are experiencing in meditation - to make it relevant to you. In your practice learn to separate the "knowing" from the "commentary".
Your Question: As this series progresses and I practice each session for a week or more. I am still finding it almost impossible to "catch" when thinking begins. I will recognize it once it is in progress but am usually into the thoughts before I realize they have started. I have ADHD and am struggling with whether this is due entirely to the disorder or if it can normally be a real challenge and something that can simply improve with the practice.
Stephen Procter: The important part when doing this MIDL training is not catching the beginning of the thought process but rather placing effort into noticing every time your attention moves. It is this noticing that cultivates mindfulness, whether you notice the arising of a thought or you notice it after you have been lost in it for 20 minutes is irrelevant - it is the noticing itself that is being cultivated.
Use the Softening skills trained in MIDL Mindfulness Trainings 3 -5/52 to relax / soften any struggle you experience. The thinking itself is not the problem; your struggling is. Your striving for something to be other then how it is. This is based on mental aversion; resistance. Also take interest in the movements of your attention towards thoughts, allow the thinking to teach you.
Here you are fully aware of your meditation object and then the next thing you know you have been lost in a thought - don't you find that strange? You were fully aware, you disappeared, then you were aware again - this is interesting. Observe this combined with investigating what it means to soften and your meditation practice will deepen.
Your Question: Wasn't quite sure when to start the counting of breaths so it was a little difficult to count and listen at same time. Could you help me understand?.
Stephen Procter: When counting the breaths to develop concentration the number is silently said near the end of each out-breath starting at "1" up to "5" out-breaths - then starting at "1" again. So you experience the breath come in, then out at the tip of your nose and you silently say “1”. It draws in again then out and you silently say “2” until you have counted 5 out-breaths. Once you have counted 5 out-breaths you start at 1 again. If you get distracted or your attention moves away from the breathing at any time, acknowledge it by going back to the start and counting "1" again.
In regards to listening to the recording and counting the breaths. Each person being different your breathing may not match the recording, if it does not match the recording then the rhythm of your breathing is the most important thing and is where you should focus your attention. As the main goal is to learn to meditate without guided meditations, if you find the rhythm of the guided meditation is out for you and distracting, listen to it, learn the technique and try the exercise without the guided meditation playing. In this way your practice will deepen.
Your Question: What is the purpose of using labels in meditation, aren't they just a type of thinking?
Stephen Procter: We all are trained in using labels to clarify our perception and to direct our attention from a young age. This is the way that we communicate with each other. My name, Stephen Procter, for an example, is a label given by my parents, that was created to point attention towards me when it is used. Cup, plate, tree etc are everyday labels used not only to communicate but also to direct our attention towards something. In this way labels (words) and their use to point our attention in a specific direction, is very natural to us.
This is the purpose of using a label in meditation, to direct and clarify the perception of what we are experiencing. it is important to first clarify that there is a difference between habitual thinking that arises within the mind, and intentional thinking. Habitual thinking tends towards self propagation and feeds on itself. It causes awareness to absorb into it leading to a collapse of mindfulness. Intentional thinking, like a label, caries no momentum and comes to an end within itself. It does not lead to absorption within the thought and therefore mindfulness of that thought can be present.
Labels when used skillfully stimulate applied and sustained attention, the act of bringing awareness to an experience and sustaining attention on it. the two primary movements of attention in meditation. Labels because of their nature, also have the benefit of clarifying perception (recognition) because of how our mind was trained at a young age.
The intentional creation of a label during meditation is different from the normal mental activity of habitual thinking because as soon as the label is used it is replaced by an increased clarity of perception, free from thought. Labels should however be considered as a tool to clarify awareness and perception. As a tool, when your skill is developed they can be abandoned for pure, mindful knowing of an experience.
Your Question: What do you mean by labeling and why is the label repeated twice during this meditation?
Stephen Procter: Mindfulness meditation is concerned with training our attention to increase the clarity of our awareness so that we can observe reality and develop wisdom. One of the first things that the meditator discovers when they sit down to meditate is how habitual their mind is in producing distractions that draw their attention away from their object of meditation. In order to train our attention we need to place effort towards remembering our object of meditation and noticing whenever our attention moves away from it, to do this we need a way of acknowledging the habitual mind. Labeling provides a means through which to do this.
A label is a simple, silent word produced to acknowledge our current experience; where the centre of our awareness currently sits. When we are aware of our body as it sits we may silently say “sitting, sitting". As we become aware of the experience of breathing within our body we may silently say “in, in”, with the in-breath and “out, out”, with the out-breath to help train our attention. The label is a pointer which is saying: ‘This is what I am looking at’.
When our attention is drawn to a sound we may silently say “hearing, hearing”, an itch, “itching, itching” etc. Whenever we notice that we have become lost within a thought for example we may say “thinking, thinking” to withdraw our awareness from it. Using labels separates awareness from becoming habitually immersed and lost within the experience, providing a sense of space around it.
During the meditation we use the label twice such as "thinking, thinking" or "itching, itching" or "hearing, hearing" etc because of the two ways that it affects attention:
1. If our mindfulness is sustained and we are present with the experience of our meditation object such as mindfulness of breathing, then labeling is used to enhance what the Buddha called Vitakka-Vicara: the applying and sustaining of our attention in order to develop mindfulness and concentration.
Applied Attention is the continued intentional turning of awareness towards an object of meditation and Sustained Attention it is the rubbing of awareness on the experience of the object of meditation until awareness sustains on it. This is the process used during meditation of reapplying awareness to the experience of the object of meditation in order to develop mindfulness and concentration. The first label therefore applies awareness towards the experience the second label rubs awareness against it such as “sitting, sitting” or “in, in”.
2. If however we become lost within a sense experience, most commonly known as a distraction, we acknowledge this by using silent labels. The first label when we notice that we have become lost within thinking for example may be “thinking”. This will withdraw our awareness from the thought, we then straight away say thinking again like this: “thinking, thinking”, the second label then directs our awareness towards the experience of thinking itself, clarifying perception of it in order to develop understanding.
Your Question: How should we investigate restlessness? I observed and labelled my mind as restless for about 10 minute but nothing changed. Is it a way (like touch point exercise) to reduce restlessness?
Stephen Procter: You asked: "How should we investigate restlessness?"
Reply: By observing the experience of being restless and your relationship towards it.
You asked: "I observed and labelled my mind as restless for about 10 minute but nothing changed."
Reply: Why should the restlessness change, it is just doing what it is supposed to be doing. If you are using labeling to bring restlessness to an end than you will create more restlessness. Your desire for the restlessness to go is the food that the restlessness is feeding on.
You asked: "Is it a way (like touch point exercise) to reduce restlessness?"
Reply: Labeling is not a way of reducing restlessness, it is an attention training method of clarifying where the centre of our awareness is sitting. Literally "I am aware of this ....", the label itself is just a pointer towards the experience. Restlessness does not come to an end by labeling it or by trying to escape from it. It comes to an end when you stop fighting against your experience of now; when you embrace your experience of restlessness.
How to Lower Restlessness
Restlessness is an excess of mental effort, usually arising through over-stimulation or over-effort. Avoid using touch points to settle restlessness because touch points increase, not decrease mental energy. Instead to settle restlessness you should expand your awareness, experience sounds far away. give your restless mind space to run, dilute the energy with wide awareness. open your awareness to the whole world, then do nothing at all. Allow your mind to burn the energy, to settle down. This can be aided with a few softening breaths.
Your Question: I think I’m obtaining a basic understanding of why we do this; i.e. we are trying to get to an understanding of where our thoughts start, but then after that is what I’m trying to grasp. Once we can see the flickers of our thought starting, how does this help us, especially since we are here to welcome all though and note it.
Stephen Procter: All MIDL Mindfulness Training are designed to help us clearly experience what the Buddha referred to as the Three Characteristics of Experience:
1. Impermanence: That all experience is impermanent, uncontrollable and unreliable.
2. Suffering: That suffering arises when we hang onto or identify with that which is impermanent, uncontrollable and unreliable.
3. Not-self:That that which is impermanent, uncontrollable and unreliable cannot be seen as or identified in terms of: "This is mine, I am this, this is myself" without suffering. That wisdom says that all experience should be viewed in terms of "this is not mind, I am not this, this is not myself" if suffering is to be brought to an end.
In summary, observing all experience in terms of the Three Characteristics leads to a natural disenchantment within the mind and non-attachment / letting go occurs. Our identification with the processes of the mind weakens and freedom from obsession and identification with them gradually develops.
Your Question: I'm quite comfortable with the larger shifts of my attention but I find that I have an almost continuous stream of micro attention shifts. Like a rapid, darting of the mind, to something and back. for example, a dog barks. My attention leaps out in that direction. I notice it and my attention goes back to the body breathing. I am not really sure what to do beyond simply observing it.
Stephen Procter: The important thing here is to clarify why you practice mindfulness meditation. It is not to stop you attention from moving but rather to develop understanding of the true nature of your mind and body. What you are experiencing during meditation is exactly what you are supposed to see. That most aspects of your mind, including your attention, are happening autonomously. Habitually out of your control. This is how it is.
When your attention rapidly flickers away from your meditation object, clarify how it is doing this by itself, without your help. That you mind is automatically jumping out to thoughts, to sounds etc. Keep observing this until it becomes clear that you are not your mind, that you mind like your body, is autonomous - doing its own thing.
Keep observing and clarifying this not-self characteristic of your mind, soften / relax any resistance towards this. This observation will allow you to start to see the habitual patterns of your mind when they are triggered throughout the day and how your attention 'flickers' towards them. Again it is the same process. During the day observe any habitual patterns that arise, observe any attraction or aversion you feel towards it, and soften / relax your participation in that pattern.
In this way their impersonal nature will become clear to you and the habitual pattern will weaken and fade within your mind. this is the benefit of observing attention in this way.
Your Question: What is the ideal goal of awareness? Do you want to be aware, all day long every minute? And why is my mind so easily lost in thoughts rather than easy in be aware?
Stephen Procter: You asked: "What is the ideal goal of awareness?"
Reply: Awareness has different levels of clarity, the purpose of the practice is to clarify awareness in order to observe and understand our relationship towards reality. This is done by continuously remembering to remember the awareness of an experience.
You asked: "Do you want to be aware, all day long every minute."
Reply: We are already continuously aware throughout the day, awareness happens naturally without our help. But we do not continuously remember that we are aware throughout the day, this is the purpose of mindfulness. Yes we want to develop continuous mindfulness throughout the day.
You asked: "Why is my mind so easily lost in thoughts rather than easily being aware?"
Reply: When you are lost within thoughts you are still aware, otherwise when you came out of that thought you would not know what it is that you were thinking about. When mindfulness collapses you literally forget awareness, your mind then fills this gap of 'not knowing' with habitual thinking. It is the weakness of your mindfulness that allows your mind to fall into habit.
Your Question: I find this difficult and am always lost in thoughts, is this part of meditation?
Stephen Procter: Yes, getting lost within thoughts is what the mind does, it is perfectly ok and natural. Your only task in MIDL is to be aware of being lost within the thought; it is the knowing that you have been lost within the thought that strengthens mindfulness which allows you to notice faster. Once mindfulness is strong you will be able to be aware of the flickering of your attention - before it becomes a thought. Cultivation of this takes patience as well as the desire to investigate and understand.
Your Question: I don't think I ever stop thinking. The quality of it just changes. My mind quiets but I remain aware of my being. At some point I then become aware of having been thinking about something specific. Is that what you are talking about? Sometimes I become aware of having wandered, non-linear thoughts, and more fleeting images. Is that the beginning of dream sleep/drifting thoughts?
Stephen Procter: Reply: Thinking is habitual, it can take a while to slow down such a big ship. Not everyone can create a 'gap' in the thought stream straight away, that is why I suggest training in the other 18 MIDL Mindfulness Training before this, daily for one week each. In this way Investigation, Mindfulness and Concentration will be strong enough to create the 'gap'.
You said: "At some point I become aware of having been thinking".
Reply: This points towards how your mindfulness meditation practice will develop. Start paying attention to the transitions between being aware of your meditation object and forgetting it - becoming "lost within thought". These 'gaps' occur when you have literally "forgotten you were meditating" - your mindfulness has become too weak.
When mindfulness collapses, whatever your habitual way of being is will take its place. In this case it is as you say: "thinking about something specific". Notice how you literally 'disappear' during this type of thought. Training in observing these 'gaps' of 'not knowing' is what mindfulness meditation is all about. With training your ability to notice these transitions in attention will increase; mindfulness and concentration will develop.
If on the other hand there are floating / drifting thoughts in the background and you can remain fully aware that they are there, then just observe them, allow them to be. In the same way that you may watch a child playing with a toy; not interfering but instead just making sure that the child stays safe.
Your Question: Eye opener. First time I got clarity on how I am thinking in terms of images and sounds. However, the thoughts seem to originate from different parts of my head. Is there a risk of imagining thoughts to originate from some place? How do we guard against that potential imagination?
Stephen Procter: In MIDL Mindfulness Training we have to trust our experience, it is all we can really know. Wherever you experienced the thoughts is correct, this place can shift from meditation to meditation. The experience of thinking has no location and can move around, the only danger is when we identify with a habitual thought process as 'my thoughts' and act through them - that is the real danger. One of the functions of mindfulness is to protect, when it is present the identification with this process ceases and thinking can be experienced without participation.
Your Question: I was surprised to notice that some of my thoughts I see before I hear them and others I only hear. I don’t seem to feel them though that may be because I’m not yet aware of the feeling.
Stephen Procter: Thinking can appear as any of our five senses but how they appear depends on what sense or senses your mind habitually uses. Everyone's thinking is different in this way and your mind may not use your body sense to bring form to your thoughts; just sight and sound.
When I do this exercises with my students and mention a tasty food, some of them initially taste it, some smell it and others see it. This is why we should never assume that everyone thinks the way that we do, because they don't. Even the way that each person’s mind interprets the world is different. It is very interesting to observe.
Your Question: Thanks Stephen, this is a great series. I am experiencing the thoughts as images and voices, and I am able to "see" or 'hear" them but not quite sure about feeling the thoughts, that is definitely a new concept. Is this just feeling the hands? Pressure? Pain?
Stephen Procter: For you to know a thought is present there must be something that tells you that it is - this something is the experience as the thought 'touches' you. All sense based experience contains a sensate quality. As the world touches your body, eyes, ears, nose, and tongue - this touch arises as sensation at these five doors - this sensation is what we experience when we are fully present. The mind door itself is no different, everything that arises within the mind has an associated sensate quality to it that can be felt / experienced - including the thought process itself.
This sensate quality can be observed within two areas: within the mind and also within the body as a reflection of the mind. These two always go hand in hand. If you were thinking angry thoughts for example, you may feel tight, tense, hard, hot, with an energetic upwards moving feeling within your body. If you observe your mind it will also be tight, tense, hard, hot, with an energetic feeling of moving out towards that which you are angry towards. The mind will also have a quality of stickiness, that the body does not have, as it refuses to let go of this defensive thinking pattern.
Your Question: With this meditation you ask the question where do I experience thinking? I thought about this and was unable to come up with an answer as that thinking was a reflection of my unconsciousness becoming conscious of it and thus it was always there? Then again, maybe I’m over thinking this! Thoughts?
Stephen Procter: Yes, you are trying to think your way through this, there is nothing to be understood only experienced and the experience itself also does not need to be understood. Thinking itself does not have any shape, form or location so it borrows and arises as one of the five senses. Thinking arises as a sight, a sound, a smell, a taste, a feeling within the body.
When asked "where do you experience thinking" it is literally just asking where it appears to you at this time, it can be different every time you check in or the same. My students report experiencing the location of thinking in many places within the confines of their body and also in many places external to it.
Thinking has no form or shape, to communicate the mind stimulates and uses the five senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, touch sensation to manifest the physicality of thoughts. Not everyone experiences thinking in the same way though it is always through a combination of 1 or more of these five senses. We see, hear, smell, taste and feel as sensations within our body our thoughts / memories.
Through observation we can observe the experience of thinking arising within any of these sense doors and also it is common to experience thinking outside of our physical body - thinking has no specific location. Of course if we approach this intellectually and not experientially then the conceptual mind will provide a location and will make thinking appear to be where we think it is - usually in the middle of the head, where we 'think' it should be.
A combination of refining the three mental factors and learning to deeply relax all engagement will make the process of thinking easier to experience. These are training's in just checking in on the pure experience, free from preconceived ideas and concepts of how something should be.
Your Question: I'm still working on distinguishing between thinking and awareness. Is one hallmark of thinking the use of language? If I'm truly focused on touch or heaviness, I don't seem to need any mental words.
Awareness is the knowing quality of any experience. For example your experience the physical touch of your body, and the mental, knowing, of that touch.
Mindfulness is the awareness of that awareness. The effort of mindfulness is to remember to remember "I am aware of this ..... (experience)"
Awareness and mindfulness contain no thought, they are just a purity of knowing. Thinking comes after you are aware of something, it is part of the function of perception and conceptualization. "I know what this is, this is a ...."
For example, you see a shape with your eyes. Its a cup. The seeing of a shape is awareness, the recognition that it is a cup is perception. "This is my cup and it is empty". This is concept and a layer of thought that the mind applies over the initial perception.
"My cup is empty, it is time for another coffee. I have run out of coffee, I bet Stephen drank it. Why didn't he replace it! As usual I need to go to the store and buy some myself. While I am there I will....." This proliferation is what we regard as thinking about something in regards to past or future.
Experience of thinking:
Thinking itself has no shape or form. The mind stimulates one or a combination of our five senses as a way of communicating with us. A thought can be a sight, sound, smell, taste or body sensation.
21/52: Thinking Patterns
22/52: Past, Present, Future
23/52: Calming all Activity
24/52: Expand Awareness
25/52: Using Touch Points
MENU QUESTIONS 26 - 30
Your Question: Sometimes when I observe thinking, I don't remember what I was the thinking about. What should I do?
Stephen Procter: Nothing.
Just know that you don't remember what you were thinking about.
Your Question: I didn't understand what was meant by feeling the thought in the body, could you explain?
Stephen Procter: The experience of pleasantness or unpleasantness and the sensate quality of emotions can all be observed within the field of your body as reflections of your state of mind. During this training your task is to develop sensitivity to the reflection of your mind within your body and its relationship to the quality of the thinking pattern present.
This is done by bringing awareness to this sensate quality as it arises and 'rubbing' awareness on the experience as if you are 'feeling' it through touch. This will allow you to observe your relationship towards these thinking patterns and to soften into that relationship in order to decondition habitual defensive responses within your mind.
Your Question: Great meditation. I have a question. While I can often clearly perceive emotionally derived thoughts in the body, I can’t seem to feel more “neutral” thoughts (such as ones labelled “planning”), as embodied. Just wondering how best to work with these type of thoughts in this exercise?
Stephen Procter: When you can not feel the physical relationship towards certain thoughts within your bodily sensations it is enough to know that you do not feel them. This in itself is interesting and a place of investigation as to why you can experience the emotional charge that arises from some thoughts but not others, such as when planning.
The neutral feeling that you are experiencing in regards to these thoughts sits within delusion and the very nature of delusion is not knowing the present experience. As mindfulness and concentration strengthen, what is covered by delusion will clarify and the emotional relationship driving these thinking patterns will reveal themselves.
For planning to be within the mind it is being fed by something. The first thing to observe is any accompanied feeling of the plan being really important. "I really have to finish this thought". This feeling of importance may be driven by aversion towards the future and have a background of fear. It can also be driven by desire for the future and have a background of longing. The emotional charge, the fuel for these thoughts, will always be there, but the clarity to observe them will not always be. Cultivation of the continuity of mindfulness clarify's awareness and brings these relationships into the light of awareness.
Your Question: I don't understand how labeling thought that arises as "planning " or "remembering " or "fantasy " serves to identify the underlying emotion. Certainly fearing or longing name underlying emotions. But I found "planning", for example, had underneath sometimes anxiety, sometimes shame, sometimes excitement.
Stephen Procter: Most thinking is habitual. One of the functions of the mind is to verbalize past experience as a way of making sense of what we are experiencing ‘now’. When thinking arises, because of habitual identification, the mind turns towards and becomes absorbed within the content – what we are thinking about. During this absorption mindfulness collapses and all awareness of what is being experienced ‘now’ ceases – the content of the thought becomes the present reality.
Initially when working with the arising of thinking during MIDL mindfulness meditation we use a label such as “thinking” to identify and clarify this process in order to strengthen our mindfulness and break the grip of habitual identification with the thinking process. The next stage is to use labels to identify what is driving the habitual thinking process or what I call obsessive thinking.
Obsessive thinking is always concerned with one topic and chews it over again and again. It is driven by an emotional relationship to the content of the thought. Using labels such as “planning”, “remembering” “fantasizing” withdraws awareness from the thinking pattern. This re-establishes mindfulness, clarifying our perception of the experience and bringing our relationship to the content of the thoughts into the field of awareness.
These labels themselves bring more accuracy and clarity to the actual experience. Using a general label such as “thinking” for example, is like walking into a room at a party and saying that you see “people”. Using a label like “planning” for example, is like walking into a room at a party and saying that you see “Stephen”. The labels "Stephen" and "planning" separate certain aspects of the experience because of their accuracy thereby focusing attention on that one aspect and clarifying it.
The important part is to identify what is driving the particular thinking pattern present and then observe where it arises as a reflection of the mind within our body. This then allows us to break the experience into its sensate quality: ‘hard, tense, tight, hot, damp, heavy etc and to then soften into our relationship towards it. When our relationship towards the emotional charge dissolves it removes the fuel and the habitual thinking process collapses.
Your Question: Is there elemental quality within past and future?
Stephen Procter: Past and future do not have an elemental quality because they exist only within conceptual thought. The elemental quality is found only within experiences that arise within the six senses. Our relationship towards past and future however, does have an elemental quality that arises both in the mind and in the body. It is our relationship towards past and future that should be observed in this case.
Your Question: The emotional charge of the past and the present made this meditation very challenging for me.
Stephen Procter: On one level this mindfulness meditation worked as you observed how your relationship towards memories of the past altered your relationship towards your present experience. Yet the difficulty you had being with the feeling produced by your mind due to memories of your past, is a sign that your mindfulness and skill in softening need to be further developed.
Have you been doing these MIDL Mindfulness Training in order over the last 22 weeks?
I recommend developing your skill in softening / relaxing your relationship towards what you are experiencing and increasing the continuity of your mindfulness, before doing this meditation again. In particular retraining any habitual stress breathing patterns that my be present. It is the change of breathing from diaphragmatic in the belly to short and shallow in our chest that brings about the anxiousness that you experienced when bringing the past to mind.
Practice daily MIDL Mindfulness Training 3/52: Retraining Autonomous Breathing for three weeks and then refine your skill in flexible attention and softness by beginning at MIDL Mindfulness Training 1/52: Grounding Your Attention, gradually progressing to MIDL Mindfulness Training 22/52. In this way you will have the tools necessary to heal your past and this meditation of observing the past and future will be much easier.
Your Question: Does anyone meditate with no wandering mind whatsoever? Ever? Perhaps only extremely skilled meditators with many years can? Is it possible to sit with no thinking? Are there different meditation practices to stop thinking. I can't see how I can stop thinking during this meditation.
Stephen Procter: As long as the 5 physical sense doors are open and the habitual functions of your mind are not suppressed, than there will be always be habitual wandering of your mind as it moves between your senses. This wandering at times can appear as being very messy, a sliding of awareness, or when momentary concentration is stronger it can appear like a laser beam striking each sense.
This being said it is possible to experience the mind without any movement through the development of one-pointed concentration in order to close down the five physical senses and to suppress the minds grosser habitual functions.
This is experienced in the development of Jhanas: Mental absorptions. Ajahn Brahmavamso in 'The Basic Methid of Meditation and the Jhanas' lists the characteristic of Jhana as:
"Summary of Landmarks of all Jhanas
So as you can see it is possible to experience mind free from movement through the development of one-pointed concentration. This path of seclusion through suppression is the path of Tranquility. It is based on the perception of permanence and can not develop if attention is allowed to wander. In this case you would want to settle / calm as you say, the monkey mind.
If on the other hand you are practicing mindfulness meditation, you are not seeking to shut down your five senses but rather to develop increased awareness of them in order to cultivate wisdom in regards to their nature. In the case of mindfulness meditation therefore there will always be wandering of the mind as awareness moves between all six senses, doing what it is supposed to do, interpret them.
That being said there is stillness that can be experienced within the habitual movement within the mind, through the development of mindfulness meditation. When we begin our training we first become lost within the habitual movements of our attention and what they absorb into, such as thinking. This is a normal experience when practicing mindfulness meditation.
As our meditation develops and the continuity of periods of mindfulness increases than we can observe these habitual movements of attention without becoming lost or absorbed within their content. We can literally observe our attention move without moving with the attention. This happens when we learn the skill of being aware of being aware through remembering to remember. This mindful observing is still and tranquil, even though the mind interacting with the six sense doors may not be.
To sum this up if you are meditating for tranquility than your attention moving and becoming lost within thinking is a problem because it collapses one-pointed concentration and removes the perception of permanence.
If however you are meditating for Insight into the nature of reality than your attention moving and becoming lost within thinking is not a problem because it clarifies the characteristics of the impermanent and the impersonal nature of the habitual mind.
This is an important point, when practicing mindfulness meditation your task 'is not' to quieten your monkey mind. Your task is to observe it doing whatever it is doing without becoming lost within it to develop understanding of its true nature. And if you become lost within the habitual functions of your mind during mindfulness meditation then this is also not a problem. Your mindfulness coming and going is just highlighting the impersonal nature of the habitual mind and the impersonal nature and impermanence of the watching itself.
Your Question: Softening into non mental activity is an interesting concept. As I am learning I’m trying to understand what the idea of softening here means. Does it mean to ignore or to dull the thought processes or does it mean something different to everyone?
Stephen Procter: Softening in this case means to observe and relax any participation in the thought process. We neither ignore or dull the thought process, we allow the fire to burn, through softening into participation we no longer add fuel to the fire and in turn the fire burns itself out.
Your Question: I can't get rid of the witness in my head telling me that I'm not thinking, but I've always had this going on. Still great though, thanks for doing these.
Stephen Procter: You do not need to get rid of the witness in your head, it is just a defensive mechanism within your mind doing its job - narrating about the world to protect you. Actually it is your interest in this commentary and identification with it that keeps it going. Allow it to run, learn to relax your relationship to it, take not interest in what it says. Observe how this commentator comes and goes, of its own accord, observe its impermanent and impersonal nature. Observe how you have no control over this witness, that it is not you, it is just another experience that arises and ceases when the conditions are right.
Your Question: I found this difficult to do, how can I improve my meditation?
Stephen Procter: The skill of Calming Mental Activity used here is based on developing two of the three MIDL Pillars: Flexible Attention and Softening Into (The result being the Third of Allowing Stillness).
Flexible Attention is developed by grounding awareness within your meditation object and relaxing your mental grip, allowing your attention to move; allowing the mind to wander. The actual training is to observe your mind wandering, creating, judging, thinking etc without getting lost within it. Staying on the horses back as it were. This skill develops the ability to observe subtitles of movement within the mind and its interaction with the six senses.
Softening Into is the skill of deeply relaxing mental engagement with all experience that arises through the six senses. For the skill of calming mental activity to develop this Softening Into skill needs to be refined and matured. If these two skills have not been developed and refined enough then the skill of calming mental activity will be very difficult.
Through focusing on the developing the two skills of Flexible Attention and Softening Into you will create a firm foundation, allowing you to calm the activity of your mind. The tools for refining these skills are found within the previous training. I recommend returning to MIDL Mindfulness Training 1/52 with the intention to train the Flexible Attention skill, and MIDL Mindfulness Training 3 - 5/52 to develop your skill in Softening Into experience.
Your Question: I couldn't expand my awareness. Maybe my ego is very strong. What do you think?
Stephen Procter: The ego has nothing to do with your ability to expand awareness other then the doubt it produces in your mind. It is the ego that says: "Maybe my ego is very strong, that is why I can't expand 'my' awareness". The ability to expand awareness is very ordinary and something that we do naturally during the day. If you find a weakness in it then it means that there is something that needs to be trained. A skill that you can developed.
Lets try a simple exercise:
Hold your hand up in front of your face, at arms length and look at your hand. Focus in on the details of your hand. This is focusing awareness to one point with your eyes. Now change the focus of your eyes so that you not only see your hand but also see everything in your peripheral vision around it. Notice that you can see your hand and the room around you at the same time. This is what it feels like to expand awareness. During meditation we can be aware of the movement of our breath and also at the same time be aware of our body and sounds far away. Awareness is like this.
Another example is when your are feeling restless and cooped up in your house, so you go for a walk outside. To help yourself settle down you look at the trees around you, hear the birds, widen your awareness to be aware of the world around you. this widening of awareness naturally disperses your minds energy and settles your restless mind.
Focus of Awareness and Habit:
The inability to change the focus of your awareness during meditation is based on a habit that you have developed in regards to your attention. If you have developed a habit of focusing in on things within your life, then being aware of many things at once during meditation may be difficult.
And visa versa.
Awareness itself has a range of focus, like a beam of light on a torch. The light can be focused and shine to one point or the beam can be widened lighting up the whole room. Awareness also has this range of focus. Some meditators have naturally narrow awareness so have to develop the ability to widen their focus. Other meditators naturally have a wide focus of awareness and have to develop the ability to focus on one thing.
MIDL Mindfulness Training 2/52: Focusing Your Awareness develops this skill.
Your Question: I experience sleepiness and become mentally dull when I am meditating, what can I do?
Stephen Procter: Lets first identify the sleepiness. Are you feeling tired when you are not meditating? If you are feeling tired when not meditating then the sleepiness will be coming from living an over-stimulated life and you need to get more rest. Even if that rest is falling asleep during meditation, if that is the only rest time you get then that is what you need to do. Just fully commit to it, do not fight it.
If however your sleepiness and mental dullness is only happening when you are meditating then this is not due to tiredness but rather from over-calming of the knowing factor of awareness. Meditation is a balance between over-calming the knowing factor of awareness and overstimulating it taking us from mental sluggishness to restlessness. Until you develop the skill in energy balance during meditation both of these will be regular visitors.
Overcoming Meditation Sleepiness
1. Increased Mindfulness
To train continuity of mindfulness to lower meditation sleepiness (mental sluggishness), sit down in meditation and hold one hand in the other. Put effort into 'remembering to remember' the touch of your hands for 1 minute. The emphasis is on 'remembering to remember' not on the touch of the hands. Notice every time you forget the touch of your hands, come back and re-establish the effort to 'remember to remember'. Be aware of any restlessness arising as this is a sign you are putting in too much effort.
Each time you do this exercise gradually increase the time. When 'remembering to remember' the touch of your hands becomes easier for you, move on to remembering your whole body as it sits and then your breath as it naturally draws in and out.
2. Using Touch Points
Whenever you feel meditation sleepiness (mental sluggishness) coming on during mindfulness meditation you can cycle through some points of touch as in MIDL Mindfulness Training 26/52. To do this bring awareness first to your whole body as it sits in meditation and silently say “sitting, sitting” while mentally 'feeling' your whole body. Then bring your awareness to a point of touch, such as your buttocks on the floor and silently say “touching, touching” while mentally 'feeling' that point of touch. Cycle gently between these two points of touch: "sitting, sitting" (feel the body), "touching, touching" (feel your buttocks touch).
If you want to create more energy or interest you can add points of touch to this cycle. Example: "sitting, sitting" (whole body), "touching, touching" (left buttock), "touching, touching" (right buttock), "touching, touching" (left ankle), "touching, touching" (right ankle), "touching, touching" (hands), "touching, touching" (lips), "sitting, sitting" (whole body) and so on cycling through.
In this way you will generate alertness and the sleepiness will start to fade. Once faded you can then go back to your original meditation object or continue with your touch point meditation practice depending on the outcome you are after.
Your Question: I am moving between different parts of my body touching but am not developing any concentration. What am I doing wrong?
Stephen Procter: In this meditation slowly cycle your awareness through different points of touch within your body, being aware of one point at a time. The important part is to take your time being aware of the experience of each point of touch and mentally 'feeling' the sensate quality within it. This may be pressure, hardness, softness, warmth etc.
As you experience the sensate quality within a touch point, silently say "touching, touching" to direct your attention to it. The first label brings your awareness to the point of touch, the second label brings your awareness to the experience of the point of touch. In this way you apply your attention and sustain it by rubbing awareness within the experience before moving onto the next touch point. This cultivates the momentum of mindfulness and develops momentary concentration.
Your Question: Moving among the touch points did help with alertness. I experience a lot of "sloth and torpor", not unhappiness more boredom during meditation.
Stephen Procter: Sloth & torpor is a mental sinking that occurs when the effort to clearly experience the object of meditation is too low to provide enough energy to sustain the concentration, leading to an over-calming of the knowing factor of awareness. The precision and effort used with touch points counters this imbalance and is a good practice for you to use when needed.
Boredom can be a causal factor for sloth & torpor as boredom is a combination of lack of attention and delusion - inability to see clearly. The opposite to boredom is investigation & mindfulness towards what is being experienced now, when these are applied boredom is not possible. Your effort should be directed towards clearly 'remembering to remember the experience of the object of meditation' and investigating the tendency of the mind to withdraw into boredom through a lapse of mindfulness or 'to sink' through the over-calming of the knowing factor of awareness.
In this way these changing states of mind will not be a hindrance to your mindfulness meditation practice but rather they will be the content that will allow your practice to deepen.
MINDFULNESS TRAINING 26
26/52: Standing Meditation
27/52: Changing Postures
28/52: Loving Kindness 1
29/52: Loving Kindness 2
MINDFULNESS TRAINING 30
30/52: Loving Kindness 3
Your Question: I struggled physically with standing for so long and had to bend forward a few times to relieve my back. I think I will try some shorter sessions of standing meditation, because I do agree that there are benefits to practicing mindfulness everywhere.
Stephen Procter: Be gentle with yourself and start with short periods of time at first. The trick is to learn to fold your body so that it becomes like a spring and then to relax into that spring so that gravity does the balancing for you rather then effort.
Your Question: I feel lot of resistance that's coming out doing this exercise being unable to find a relaxing point for my body. I'm totally ok with the top part of my body but my legs are always in a sort of "contracted" place that brings a sort of tremor in my legs...which makes my mind restless most of the time that makes me quite uncomfortable. Lots of stuff coming out from here...I never thought this exercise could become so challenging!
Stephen Procter: The tightening of your legs comes from the protection mechanism of your mind, the fear that if it totally gives up control of the body it we become injured. You can see this habitual protection if you hurt your lower back and all the muscles tighten around the injury.
When finding this balance point within our body where we can internally relax while standing it is helpful to understand that we can balance our body in two ways: through strength and through alignment with gravity. During standing meditation we balance through alignment with gravity. Gravity is predictable, it pulls straight down, this is to our advantage for when we align with gravity we can disengage our muscles allowing them to relax.
The key is to align our body like we are folding it, the first fold is at the ankles, the next opposite fold is at the knees and the last at the hips. Our body is now is like folding a sheet in three parts, we align these folds so that the weight goes straight down.
Once you do this you will still have the instinctual protection of tightening, once this relaxes there will be some stretching of muscles and tendons as they adapt to the muscles not being engaged within balancing. There is some body conditioning within this but it is necessary for setting the foundation of mindfulness of body and effortlessness of movement within daily life.
Your Question: I had a similar practice but while keeping feet shoulder width apart. In this practice with my feet together there was a big problem with balance. To be able to relax I did have to put an inch between my feet, though. Perhaps with practice my balance will improve.
Stephen Procter: I am not sure if there is a misunderstanding in the instruction, but for this meditation we do not have our feet together but rather have them parallel, shoulder or hip width apart; whichever is widest. We then relax our hips and knees so that our legs become like springs rather than posts. We can then find our central balance and relax the energy into the springs.
Your Question: Apparently I've forgotten how to stand. Also, breathing was more laboured until I began breathing with the entire torso instead of mainly with the belly. But it seems like this would be a very critical skill to master, allowing me to take my practice out into the world, but I am not sure how to do it properly.
Stephen Procter: Learning to stand in an effortless way means being mindful of how your body is aligned over your feet. If the alignment is out then gravity will pull you forward, back, left or right and all the muscles in your body will tense making this practice difficult. When your body is aligned properly you then use gravity (which appears as the experience of heaviness) to pull you straight down.
In this posture you can relax all muscles throughout your body and will not get tired. This alignment is found by making the feet parallel, shoulder width apart. Then bend at the ankles joint forward, knees joint back and hip joint forward so that you are 'folding' your body. Play with this and 'listen' with full awareness, can you align your body so that you are fully balanced, with no tension?
Your Question: In the standing meditation I get distracted by my hands because I'm not sure how to hold them together without feeling tension or pressure. Sometimes I'm not sure if the mouth should be closed all the time, or open, or both, and if we're meant to breathe in and out through the nose all the time. I feel like I have to open my mouth sometimes to let the breathe out, is that ok?
Stephen Procter: "...In the standing meditation I get distracted by my hands because I'm not sure how to hold them together without feeling tension or pressure..."
Place one hand below your belly button in the middle of your body, then place the other hand on top of it, folding in your fingers to hold it loosely. You can also if you prefer have your arms hanging loosely by your side.
"...Sometimes I'm not sure if the mouth should be closed all the time, or open, or both, and if we're meant to breathe in and out through the nose all the time..."
We are always means to allow the breath to be drawn in and out through the nose. The nose plays a role preparing the air for the lungs: On the in-breath the nose filters the air, adjusts its temperate, and moisturises it. On the out-breath the air filter is cleaned. back pressure is created with the diaphragm for a slower out-breath and there is a distinct calming affect on the functions of the mind.
Breathing through the mouth has none of these benefits. the only reason to breathe through the mouth is if you are under high physical load or stressed.
"...I feel like I have to open my mouth sometimes to let the breathe out, is that ok?..."
This feeling comes because of confusion that happens within the brain due to habituated stress chest / mouth breathing. A focus on retraining of stress breathing patterns, with the goal of strengthening and slowing down the movement of the diaphragm so that that diaphragmatic breathing becomes normal, removes this urge.
Breathing pattern retraining plus instruction can be found here https://midlmeditation.com/meditation-for-anxiety and also in the 52 MIDL Mindfulness Training as MIDL 3/52.
Your Question: Isn't mindfulness meditation only meant to be practiced sitting down? Moving during meditation doesn't feel peaceful to me.
Stephen Procter: The real benefits of mindfulness meditation are experienced through our ability to transition our seated meditation practice so that we can self-observe in daily life. A reference to this transition can be found in the original instructions on Satipatthana Vipassana (mindfulness meditation) given by the Buddha in the Satipatthana Sutta:
“Furthermore… when walking, the meditator knows: ‘I am walking.’ When standing, they know: ‘I am standing.’ When sitting, they know: ‘I am sitting.’ When lying down, they know: ‘I am lying down.’"
“Furthermore… when going forward or returning, they are fully aware; when looking toward or looking away...”
“When bending & extending their limbs...”
“When carrying their clothing and possessions...”
“When eating, drinking, chewing, & savoring...”
“When urinating & defecating...”
“When walking, standing, sitting, falling asleep, waking up, talking, & remaining silent, they do so with full awareness.”
From this we can clearly see that mindfulness meditation was never meant to be just a seated meditation practice and was always meant to be brought into daily life; to be lived. What is interesting is that when we look at the Satipatthana Sutta only a small part in the beginning of the Sutta is concerned with developing the mental faculties in seated meditation. After the section on mindfulness of posture Satipatthana practice becomes formless, posture being totally irrelevant.
Your Question: What are the words that you are using in this meditation and how do I do it?
Stephen Procter: When practicing loving kindness using the loved one to generate the loving feeling we can follow two simple steps. During this meditation we can begin with ourselves, then loved one then our self again but these days I teach to begin with the loved one first as many people find it difficult to feel love and kindness towards themselves.
Step 1: Loving Kindness to a Loved One
Sit down comfortably, make a half smile on your face and bring someone you care for or respect to mind. Gently repeat:
“(insert their name) may you be well ........”
“may you be happy........”
“may you be peaceful ........”
Keep gently repeating these phrases to yourself, in no hurry, and really mean it. Smile when you say it. The key is to develop the feeling of love that comes from this wish of kindness.
Step 2: Loving Kindness to Yourself
Once you can develop the feeling of loving kindness to your loved one then you can transfer the feeling towards yourself. First start by developing the feeling on your loved one, then bring yourself to mind. The feeling will then carry over. If the loving feeling fades then swap back to your loved one again to re-cultivate the feeling. Apply the feeling to yourself again until you also are a loved one.
“may I be well ........”
“may I be happy........”
“may I be peaceful ........”
Your Question: My only difficulty with these meditations is that I cannot picture people, faces (or anything much), so I find it hard to concentrate and focus in that way. I just wondered if you might have any helpful advice.
Stephen Procter: Different people experience images in different ways - some see them, others feel them. I also do not see images of people when I bring someone to mind, but I feel their presence and I feel my relationship to them. The importance with practices of cultivating positive qualities of heart, such as Metta: Loving Kindness, is not the clarity of the image but rather the emotional feeling beneath them - in this case the genuine wish for happiness and peace.
This is why we first start with someone that we already feel genuine caring towards, such as a loved one or someone we respect, because it is easier to cultivate the feeling of genuine love and kindness towards them. The emotion behind the phrases is what is important, the person is just used to encourage the feeling to arise. Once the emotional feeling of loving kindness has arisen we then encourage it to grow, to fill every cell of our body - this feeling is the meditation object.
Once strong, then we can transfer the feeling over to our self, this then will start to dislodge any negative feelings we have towards ourselves and replace it with the positive feeling of loving kindness. When the feeling starts to weaken we then go back to the loved one and so on. In this way loving kindness starts to 'stick' to the thought of ourselves and the loving response becomes natural. We can then cultivate loving kindness on our loved one and ourselves, before transferring it to different people within our lives until everyone becomes a loved one.
Your Question: I can't feel love. I imagined my 3 years old daughter that I think I love very much. But I couldn't feel anything. The nearest thing to love was that I didn't want something bad to happen to her. I can see I am ready to put myself in danger to make her safe. But I couldn't feel love. I have a problem in seeing good emotions in myself. I can see anxiety and anger very clear in myself but not love.
Stephen Procter: This is quite normal, the feeling of love for others starts with our relationship towards our self. If we do not like our self, if we can not feel love for our self, then our love for others may be driven by fear and attachment but not from actual love & kindness.
It always comes down to our relationship with our self, the ability to see the good within us, to embrace all parts including the parts we do not like. Mindfulness meditation is not about creating a better me. Trying to add more to our self is the trap of this life. Mindfulness meditation is a process of stripping back the layers of defensiveness that create separateness within our self. This feeling of separation within our self conditions our relationship towards our self and also our relationship towards others. The anxiety and anger you feel is very clear in regards to this.
Whatever is our dominant state of mind is, creates our path of practice in MIDL mindfulness meditation. Anger is a defense mechanism that arises out of anxiety, so the experience of anxiety is your meditation path. Any attempt to avoid or try to escape from this will only make it worse. Your first step is to develop sensitivity towards your breathing patterns and how they reflect your state of mind. When you are calm and relaxed your breathing with be in your belly, when anxious it will move up, short and shallow, into your chest. Maybe at this time your breathing is always up in your chest. This will than become your reference point from which to observe your relationship towards yourself and others, from which Wisdom will arise.
You begin with MIDL Mindfulness Training 3/52: Retraining Breathing Patterns daily for 3 - 4 weeks to retrain your stress breathing patterns. Making diaphragmatic breathing normal for you. This will lower the defensiveness of your survival mind and create your reference point from which to observe and soften your relationship towards your life.
You then need to forgive yourself, for things you have done to disrespect yourself and others. Without forgiving your past you will always feel fragmented now and your relationships will reflect this. You can than forgive others for when they have disrespected you within your life. This is a necessary healing of the past which is needed for you to feel love in your heart, now. MIDL Mindfulness Training 32/52: Forgiveness: Healing the Heart.
Your can then start to develop loving kindness towards yourself, this will be slow at first, like a small ember on a fire, but as the fire grows it will naturally transfer over to your daughter. You do this by generating the loving feeling first on a loved one or someone that you respect - just on them. When you can do this you generate the feeling on your loved one / respected person and then bring yourself to mind, side by side with them - the feeling will start to transfer.
Keep doing this until you are both loved ones. You can then add people like your daughter. All these steps are found within the book I sent you 'Step by Step Guidance in MIDL Mindfulness Meditation', it is designed to follow the MIDL path using stress / anxiety as the doorway for mindfulness.
Your Question: I find it more difficult to send loving thoughts towards myself, to wish that I am happy, peaceful than I do towards someone that I love or someone who is difficult towards me. I don’t really know what to make of these exercises, which indicates to me that this is in fact where I need to be right now.
Stephen Procter: It is normal to find it hard to develop loving feeling towards ourself. When training in loving kindness you should always start with someone that you respect or genuinely care for, they are your catalyst for generating loving feeling. The important part in this meditation is not the words but the generation of the feeling. You first generate the loving feeling on your loved / respected person and build it until it is strong. You then switch to yourself, transferring the feeling and continuing to encourage it to grow.
When the loving feeling dies down you then generate it on your loved one again; then back to yourself. When the feeling dies down again you change back to your loved one and so on. The feeling of loving kindness will then start to stick to your image, you do this until the feeling for yourself and your loved one is the same. You can then start cultivating it for others such as a difficult person within your life, but to do this you first have to develop it for yourself otherwise you are meditating as if with a flat battery. Be patient in this practice, your current relationship towards yourself is conditioned and in this way you can re-condition the relationship.
Your Question: Before this we have been doing mindfulness meditation practices and now in the last three trainings we are doing loving kindness. How does this all fit together?
Stephen Procter: The Buddha outlined the development of the path as four intentions. Abandoning, Guarding, Cultivating, Establishing. Abandoning means to abandon Negative Qualities of mind or heart that have already arisen. (Negative means those that divide - push away) As the practice develops we then have the ability to Guard against the arising of Negative Qualities of mind or heart that have not yet arisen.
When the Negative Qualities of mind or heart become weak we then focus on Cultivating Positive Qualities of mind or heart that have not yet arisen; those weak in us. (Positive Qualities are those that combine - bring together). The fourth stage is Establishing Positive Qualities of mind and heart once they have arisen - making them strong - making them our dwelling place.
Loving kindness meditation if done correctly abandons, guards, cultivates and establishes.
Your Question: I had some difficult feelings come up during this metta meditation and found it hard to be loving towards a certain person in my life.
Stephen Procter: Metta directly challenges some of the defensive postures within our mind. If we have difficulty offering loving kindness towards another it is often a reflection of the difficult relationship we have with our self.
When these meditations were recorded I followed the traditional progressive order of developing Metta that I was taught: Ourself - respected person - loved one - difficult person - pervasive. After spending time with many people teaching meditation in daily life I came to realise that outside of intensive practice this is not a practical way to do it. If we find it difficult to cultivate loving feeling towards ourself, due to habitual defensiveness, and are unable to cultivate the concentration necessary to suppress this defensiveness within our mind, then we will also find it difficult to cultivate loving feeling towards others.
I have since revised the way that I teach this and made the adjustment in my new book 'Step by Step Guidance in MIDL Mindfulness Meditation' to reflect this.
1. We first learn to develop loving feeling just towards a loved one / respected person. We do not include ourself or others until it becomes easy and the loving feeling flows freely.
2. We can than include ourself. We start by generating loving feeling towards a loved one / respected person, once strong we then bring an image of ourself to mind and transfer the loving feeling present towards ourself.
3. When the loving feeling towards ourself becomes weaker, we then switch back to the loved one / respected person to cultivate the loving feeling again and so on. Gradually in this way we also become a loved one. During this process it is normal for difficult emotions to come up; this is ok. It is just a cleansing process, our mind is cleaning out the cupboard to make room for loving kindness. If these emotions arise we allow ourself time to feel them within our body, and using a few Softening breaths, relax / soften into any resistance we feel then resume our Metta practice.
4. We can then gradually include others such as a difficult person until they also become a loved one. loved one - ourself - difficult person, cycling back when the feeling starts to fade and so on, opening up to include all beings.
Your Question: The issue here is compassion for all beings, animals, yourself, and loved one. One way I deal with such difficult issues is to practice loving kindness. Does practicing pervasive loving kindness develop compassion for all beings?
Stephen Procter: Compassion is developed in our practice in two ways:
1. Intentionally: We can intentionally sit in meditation and develop the feeling of compassion towards our self and all beings in the same way that we do with loving kindness.
Towards our self:
“May I be free from mental suffering”.
“May I be free from physical suffering”.
“Physically and mentally at ease”.
“May I be able to take care of myself, happily”.
“May you be free from mental suffering”.
“May you be free from physical suffering”.
“Physically and mentally at ease”.
“May you be able to take care of yourself, happily”.
This is a concentration practice that conditions the mind to view the world in a certain way through repetition.
2. Through Wisdom: By becoming intimate with the depth of our own suffering we also feel empathy towards the pain of others. As this matures we develop compassion towards the depth of our suffering which naturally gives rise to compassion towards the suffering of others.\
This can be enhanced by reflecting:
"Just as I feel pain, you also feel pain, may we be free from pain".
"Just as I experience mental suffering, you also experience mental suffering, may we be free from mental suffering".
This is a mindfulness meditation practice that arises from repeated self observation.
The difference between the two is that the first is based on reconditioning the mind through repeated cultivation of the feeling of compassion to colour awareness. The second practice is based on deconditioning the mind through observing the characteristics of reality and does not arise through generating a colouring but rather from a depth in wisdom.