Decondition Habitual Patterns

In this lesson we will cover how to intentionally decondition vedana (pleasant and unpleasant feeling tone) from thoughts and memories to remove the foundation for attraction and aversion.

This skill can be used by advanced insight meditators who wish to accelerate the development of the conditions for Sakadāgāmi or Anāgāmi, and also for treating habitual defensive conditions patterns that lead to the experience of anxiety and trauma (under supervision and skilled guidance).

Meditation Type:  Softening (relaxation, letting go, calm), Vipassana (insight)

These five Softening Doors make up the complete MIDL Softening Into skill used to decondition habitual defensive patterns from the mind.

Meditation

• Meditation Skill 28: Learn to Abandon Intention
• Meditation Skill 29: Learn to Re-engage Diaphragm
• Meditation Skill 30: Learn to Lengthen Out-breath
• Meditation Skill 31: Learn to Relax the Eyelids
• Meditation Skill 32: Learn to Relax Frontal Lobes

Caution: Meditation Skill 34 is a high level MIDL technique for stripping back vedana and emotions. Only approach this skill with proper training or guidance.

Daily Meditation

You continue to practice daily mindfulness of breathing and the first four jhana. Your insight emphasis is towards observing the anatta characteristic of Specific Conditionality (idappaccayatā) within the six sense fileds.

2nd Path Fruition

Conditions are now present for Sakadagami (Once Returner).

Meditation

• Meditation Skill 33: Learn to Decondition Mind
• Meditation Skill 34: Decondition Emotional Charge 

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This is the first of the Five Softening Doors that make up the complete MIDL Softening Into skill. This softening door trains the tendency within the mind towards letting go by creating the intention to move and teaching the mind to let go by softening the effort that underlies it.

The softening door of 'lifting, dropping' uses the engaging and softening of movement within the physical body to develop the skill of letting go of the mental intention 'to do' within the mind. While it can seem very complex in nature it is actually quite simple when understood. 

Meaning of 'Lifting / Dropping'

'Lifting' stands for the desire to move and 'dropping' stands for the softening of that desire.

There are three stages to moving your arm:

1. The desire to move the arm.
2. The tensing of the muscles as they get ready to move.
3. The lifting of the arm. 

Exercise 1

Try this now to experience these above three stages.

• Sitting comfortably, arms resting loosely on your legs. 
• Create the desire to move your right arm and feel the muscles tense. 
• Continue the desire to move until your arm lifts off your leg. 
• Now soften that desire, allow your arm to drop on your leg, relaxed. 
• Notice that there is a heavier feeling in your arm after it has dropped. 
• Repeat it again and experience the relaxation within the arm after it drops.

Exercise 2

Try this now learn to soften the intention before your arm lifts.

• Sitting comfortably, arms resting loosely on your legs. 
• Create the desire to move your right arm and feel the muscles tense. 
• Now softening that desire to move before it lifts off your leg, feel the muscles in your arm relax. 
• Notice that there is a heavier feeling in your arm after it has dropped. A sinking feeling. 
• Repeat it again without the lift and experience the relaxation within the arm after it drops becoming deeper. 
• Notice that there is also a mental 'drop', relaxation that comes from softening the desire to move. 

In the same way as above, you can move through your body 'lifting' and 'dropping' each part of your body by creating an intention to move it, feeling its contraction, then softening that intention.

Instructions:

1. Ground awareness within the experience of your body as it sits.
2. Picture your arm moving, feel the muscles gather ready to lift without lifting the arm. 
3. Then soften the desire to move and feel the relaxation come to the arm and the mind. 
4. Cycle different parts of your body, lifting and dropping the desire on each part twice.
5. When fully relaxed lift and drop your whole body.
6. Feel your body lift and drop naturally with each in and out-breath.
7. Systematically move through your body.
8. Once done allow the overall relaxation to fill awareness.

Recommended Order:

• Right arm.
• Left arm.
• Right shoulder.
• Left shoulder.
• Upper back.
• Chest.
• Chin.
• Cheeks.
• Eyelids.
• Forehead.
• Belly.
• Hips.
• Legs.
• Feet.

INVESTIGATION

• Take interest in the relationship between the intention that is created in the mind, and the response in your body to this intention. 
• Be curious regard to any the physical relaxation that you feel in your body when the intention to move is softened. 
• Also take interest in any disturbance that arises within the mind with its creation and any mental relaxation and stillness that arises within the mind with its softening.

PROGRESSION

Once you understand the relationship between abandoning an intention, and the softening of your body and mind, you are ready to begin Meditation Skill 29. To truly understand this, I recommend being curious regarding creating and softening intentions in your daily mindfulness of breathing, and also learning to enter stillness by softening intentions in daily life.

• Next: Meditation Skill 29: Learn to Re-engage Diaphragm

During this meditation we intentionally trigger painful memories to develop understanding of the relationship between our body, breathing and mind. This technique can also be trained through intentionally stress breathing in order to learn how to turn off stress hyperventilation in daily life. 

If you are currently experiencing anxiety only practice this technique under the guidance of a trained professional. I offer private sessions in meditation techniques to lower your experience of anxiety, and also guidance in applying these advances softening techniques. More Information Here

1. This is the second of the Five Softening Doors that make up the complete MIDL Softening Into skill. Each part of the softening into skill can be used separately in a targeted way, or combined to decondition defensive habitual tendencies.
2. This method develops insight into the relationship between diaphragmatic breathing, the stress response, the state of mind present, the cycle of habituation and how to deconstruct it.

The MIDL method of Re-engaging the Diaphragm is a softening skill for interrupting the habitual stress response in order to decondition habitual defensive patterns from the mind. This is part of the MIDL skill of deconditioning. 

Once this skill of 'abandoning' through the re-engaging of the diaphragm has been developed, it can be used in seated meditation for calming the meditative hindrances and in daily life as a way of deconditioning harmful habitual patterns of reaction. 

The ability to re-engage the diaphragm when it disengages due to the stress response is a primary MIDL Softening skill and should be refined. This is also a main technique for removing anxiety created by habitual stress breathing.

Stress reactions can be interrupted by learning the skill of re-engaging the diaphragm with 5 slow diaphragm breaths. If you have not learnt this in earlier MIDL training, you need to learn it now in order to decondition all habitual defensive patterns from your mind. 

Learning to reengage the diaphragm in respiration is essential as it will increase your sensitivity to the precursors of stress reactions and give you the ability to turn them off by manipulating the respiration aspect of the stress response. 

By placing your fingertips just below your belly button and taking 5 slow diaphragmatic breaths in and out, the experience of anxiousness completely goes away due to the re-engagement of the diaphragm and rebalancing of CO2 levels. 

In some cases, however, due to the severity of the stress reaction, the experience of adrenaline and cortisol may still be felt within your body. If this is the case, it is nothing to be concerned about and it generally takes 30–50 minutes for the adrenaline and cortisol to disperse. 

Exercise such as fast walking if in intensive meditation or physical exercise if in daily life will speed up this process. Softening into the dukkha feeling is also beneficial to fulfill the goal of the meditator as this is not based on aversion towards dukkha feeling and instead uses it to develop nibidda (disenchantment) within the mind.

1. Ground awareness within the experience of your body as it sits.
2. Place fingers just below belly button, on the V shaped abdominal muscle. 
3. Press in slightly on this V shaped abdominal muscle to feel the movement.
4. Slowly extend your lower abdominal muscles out-wards to draw breath in through your nose. 
5. Slowly lower your lower abdominal muscles back in-wards again to expel the breath out through your nose.
6. Intentionally slow down your out-breath (avoiding strain) to re-engage your diaphragm. Do this for 5 in and out breaths.
7. Now remove your fingers, sit back, relax, and observe your mind and body. It takes around 10 seconds to observe the effect.

If you are sensitive, you may feel:

• Stage 1: A feeling of mental clarity, spaciousness, mental fogginess fades.
• Stage 2: Next notice how your body relaxes, a feeling of contentment arises.
• Stage 3: Then notice mental calmness, how thinking has settled down. 
• Stage 4: Your diaphragm has re-engages in lower belly, and how each breath calms you.

During this training you will be intentionally triggering a stress reaction by bringing an unpleasant memory to mind. Be curious in regard to the relationship between mental resistance and the stress response. 

Take interest in regard to any physical or mental changes that you experience when you are stress breathing such as:

• Mental fogginess, light headedness, difficulty in focusing.
• Physical tension, particularly in shoulders, chest and throat.
• Increased thinking and mental restlessness.
• Tightening and disengagement of diaphragm

INSTRUCTIONS

**Best way to learn is using the recording.

1. Take your meditation posture.
2. Ground your awareness within your body.
3. Take some slow diaphragm breathes to soften awareness into your body.
4. Now bring up an unpleasant thought or memory.
5. Hold the memory gently in your mind.
6. Notice any changes in your belly, chest, throat such as tension.
7. Notice any underlying feeling of unpleasantness or unease.
8. Place fingers just below belly button, on the V shaped abdominal muscle. 
9. Slowly extend your lower abdominal muscles out-wards to draw breath in through your nose.  
10. Slowly lower your lower abdominal muscles back in-wards again to expel the breath out through your nose.
11.  Intentionally slow down your out-breath (avoiding strain) to re-engage your diaphragm. Do this for 5 in and out breaths. 
12. Now remove your fingers, sit back, relax, and observe your mind and body. It takes around 10 seconds to observe the effect.  

If you are sensitive, you may feel:  

Stage 1: A feeling of mental clarity, spaciousness, mental fogginess fades. 

Stage 2: Next notice how your body relaxes, a feeling of contentment arises. 

Stage 3: Then notice mental calmness, how thinking has settled down.  

Stage 4: Your diaphragm has re-engages in lower belly, and how each breath calms you. 

Repeat to refine your skill, also learn to reengage your diaphragm in daily life.

During this meditation we intentionally trigger painful memories to develop understanding of the relationship between our body, breathing and mind. If you are currently experiencing anxiety only practice this technique under the guidance of a trained professional. I offer private sessions in meditation techniques to lower your experience of anxiety, and also guidance in applying these advances softening techniques. More Information Here

1. This is the third of the Five Softening Doors that make up the complete MIDL Softening Into skill. Each part of the softening into skill can be used separately in a targeted way, or combined to decondition defensive habitual tendencies.
2. This method develops insight into the relationship between a slow breath out through the nose and its effect on calming mental effort and intellectual functions such as thinking.

The MIDL Method of Lengthening the Out-Breath is the training of calming the intellectual functions of the mind by relaxing the effort that underlies them. 

You cultivate this skill by slowly releasing an out-breath through your nose and abandoning mental effort with that out-breath. 

The experience of this could be summarised as using the relaxation of your out-breath to relax the frontal lobes of your brain. 

Once understood, this method is used during seated meditation to calm the meditative hindrances and to abandon and decondition unskillful thought process in daily life such as defensive or obsessive thinking.

1. Take your meditation posture.
2. Ground awareness within the experience of your body as it sits.
3. Take a slow breath in through your nose, let a slow breath out and observe any feeling of mental relaxation/release.
4. Allow the breath to draw in, then as it goes back out slightly lengthen that out-breath, slow it down. 
5. Notice the increased relaxation effect.
6. Keep repeating this process and learn what it means to relax all mental participation with any thoughts that are present.

1. Take your meditation posture.
2. Ground awareness within the experience of your body as it sits.
3. Bring a difficult memory to mind and observe within your body, breathing and mind. Observe any tension with your mind, the response within your body and the acceleration of the thinking process.
4. Notice its unpleasantness, sense of unease (vedana) as a flavour or taste of the physical response.
5. Take a few slow breaths out through your nose and relax all mental participation with any thoughts that are present.
6. Repeat this process, learn to observe the physical response to the difficult memory (kaya) as a reflection of your mind (citta). Learn to separate out the feeling tone (vedana) and observe what happens when you soften your relationship towards the underlying vedana.

• Observe the effect that slowing the out-breath through the nose has on the mind.
• Observe the effect that slowing the out-breath through the nose has on thinking.
• Observe how thinking dissolves with this mindful non-participation. 

Start to apply this method in your seated meditation. Whenever your attention wanders off to thinking, acknowledge it, ground awareness within your body and then take one slow breath out through your nose to bring about mindful non-participation. 

When beginning mindfulness of breathing slowly breathe out through your nose, then relax and wait for the breath to come in by itself, autonomously. 

In daily life observe habitual thinking patterns and let a slow breath out through your nose to mentally relax and withdraw your participation in them.

During this meditation we intentionally trigger painful memories to develop understanding of the relationship between our body, breathing and mind. If you are currently experiencing anxiety only practice this technique under the guidance of a trained professional. I offer private sessions in meditation techniques to lower your experience of anxiety, and also guidance in applying these advances softening techniques. More Information Here

1. This is the fourth of the Five Softening Doors that make up the complete MIDL Softening Into skill. Each part of the softening into skill can be used separately in a targeted way, or combined to decondition defensive habitual tendencies.
2. This method calms proliferation and creates safety within the mind reliving trauma. This skill is a direct doorway into disentanglement so should not be underestimated.

The MIDL Method of Relaxing the Eyelids is the subtle skill of relaxing your eyelids and eyes to directly bring about deep relaxation within your mind. There is a direct correlation between the alertness of the eyes & eyelids and hyper-vigilance of the fight / flight response. 

When in a hyper alert state due anxiety or trauma the eyes open wider searching for danger. Relaxing the eyelids and intensity of 'looking' has the effect of temporarily turning off this fight / flight response and allowing the mind to find safety within the experience of Stillness. 

During this process deep healing can occur. Observe effect on your mind with the gradual relaxing of your eyelids. Take interest in how your body conditions your mind and how your mind conditions your body. Observe how this softening door affects the intellectual functioning of the mind.

1. Take your meditation posture.
2. Ground your awareness within the experience of your body as it sits. 
3. Intentionally relax your eyelids, allow them to droop. Open slightly and allow them to relax again. 
4. Observe the effect that relaxing your eyelids has on your body, breathing and mind.
5. Slowly relaxing and opening your eyelids. Pay attention to the feeling of heaviness, allowing your eyelids to droop. As your eyelids become heavier gradually lesson how wide your open your eyelids until you can not open them anymore.
6. Observe your mind drop into still awareness and the function of your mind come to a stop.

1. Take your meditation posture.
2. Ground your awareness within the experience of your body as it sits. 
3. Bring a difficult memory to mind and observe within your body, breathing and mind. 
4. Observe any tension with your mind, the response within your body and the acceleration of the thinking process.
5. Notice its unpleasantness, sense of unease (vedana) as a flavour or taste of the physical response.
6. Intentionally relax your eyelids, allow them to droop. Open slightly and allow them to relax again. 
7. Observe the effect that relaxing your eyelids has on your body, breathing and mind. 
8. Settle the resistance of your mind by slowly relaxing and opening your eyelids. Pay attention to the feeling of heaviness, allowing your eyelids to droop. As your eyelids become heavier gradually lesson how wide your open your eyelids until you cannot open them anymore.
9. Observe your mind drop into still awareness and the function of your mind come to a stop.
10. Repeat this process, learn to observe the physical response to the difficult memory (kaya) as a reflection of your mind (citta). Learn to separate out the feeling tone (vedana) and observe what happens when you soften your relationship towards the underlying vedana. 

During this meditation we intentionally trigger painful memories to develop understanding of the relationship between our body, breathing and mind. If you are currently experiencing anxiety only practice this technique under the guidance of a trained professional. 

I offer private sessions in meditation techniques to lower your experience of anxiety, and also guidance in applying these advances softening techniques. More Information Here

1. This is the fifth of the Five Softening Doors that make up the complete MIDL Softening Into skill. Each part of the softening into skill can be used separately in a targeted way, or combined to decondition defensive habitual tendencies.
2. This method relaxes the effort that underlies mental proliferation and participation. As you develop skill in this method you will be able to relax any stance that the mind takes in regards to mental postures (attention structures).
3. This method brings the four previous methods together to create the softening into skill for targeted deconditioning.

The MIDL Method of Relaxing the Frontal Lobes is the skill of abandon all mental participation through relaxing the effort that underlies mental stances. 

There is a direct correlation between mental activity, such as thinking, as well as held mental postures, and the experience of tension in the area of the frontal lobes. It is the effort held in this area that you relax. 

When relaxing the frontal lobes, it is helpful to borrow the method of Lengthening the Out-Breath through the nose by picturing the in-breath filling your frontal lobes, and the out-breath deflating them like a balloon. 

Once you can feel the deflation/relaxing of the frontal lobes you can abandon all imagery. With practice you will be able to abandon all effort in the frontal lobes without the aid of breathing.

1. Take your meditation posture.
2. Ground your awareness within the experience of your body as it sits.  
3. Take a slow breath in through your nose and picture the frontal lobes of your brain as if they are filling with air.
4. Let a slow breath out through your nose and picture/feel your frontal lobes deflate/relax.
5.  Observe any feeling of mental relaxation/release. 
6. Allow the breath to draw in to fill your frontal lobes with air, then as it goes back out slightly lengthen that out-breath, slow it down, feeling the frontal lobes relax.
7. Notice the increased relaxation effect. 
8. Keep repeating this process and learn what it means to relax all mental participation with any thoughts that are present.

1. Take your meditation posture.
2. Ground your awareness within the experience of your body as it sits. 
3. Practice the first four softening doors and learn to combine them as one.
4. Practice re-engaging the diaphragm and filling your body with each breath.
5. Feel the relaxation inherent within the deflation of the out-breath.
6. Add the lengthening of each out-breath through your nose in alignment with each deflation. Feel the increasing relaxation and mental abandoning.
7. Add the relaxing of your eyelids aligned with the slow breath out through your nose. Feel the increasing mental and physical relaxation.
8. Picture each inbreath filling your body, head and frontal lobes of your brain.
9. Feel your frontal lobes deflate with each slow out-breath. 
10. Mentally and physically abandon all effort with each deflation.

• Observe the effect on your mind while individual practicing the first four softening doors. 
• Observe the effect on the intellectual function of your mind and the closing down to pure awareness when all five softening doors are combined together. 

1. Take your meditation posture.
2. Ground your awareness within the experience of your body as it sits. 
3. Bring a difficult memory to mind and observe within your body, breathing and mind.  
4. Observe any tension with your mind, the response within your body and the acceleration of the thinking process. 
5. Notice its unpleasantness, sense of unease (vedana) as a flavour or taste of the physical response.
6. Take slow softening into breaths from your belly moving upwards.
7. Picture each inbreath filling your body, head and frontal lobes of your brain.
8. Feel your frontal lobes deflate with each slow out-breath. 
9. Mentally and physically abandon all effort with each deflation of your body.
10. Repeat this process, learn to observe the physical response to the difficult memory (kaya) as a reflection of your mind (citta). Learn to separate out the feeling tone (vedana) and observe what happens when you soften your relationship towards the underlying vedana.

• Observe the fading of emotional charge against the difficult memory when all five softening doors are applied to it as one softening skill.

This is a high skill, MIDL technique, and during this training mindfulness meditation becomes very real. We intentionally trigger painful memories to develop understanding of the heart / mind and to decondition Vedana (feeling tone) from these memories.   

If you want to try this MIDL deconditioning technique, do so at your own discretion. If you have not done the earlier training and developed your mindfulness, concentration and softening skills then you are likely to become lost within the emotional charge and resist the unpleasantness. 

In this case you either need to commit to the MIDL systematic training or have someone skilled in this technique to guide you to develop this skill.

1. To intentionally decondition emotional charge and feeling tone (vedana) from thoughts and memories. 
2. To learn how to decondition emotional charge and feeling tone in daily life before it habitually conditions as defensive patterns within the mind.
3. To weaken the minds habitual entanglement with the past and future.

The MIDL method of Deconditioning develops the higher skill of deconditioning emotional charge and feeling tone (vedana), attached to thoughts and memories. 

The mind has a simple survival sorting mechanism in which it uses feeling tone to sort memories as dangerous or safe. It attaches pleasant feeling to signify safe memories or unpleasant feeling if the memory is perceived as being dangerous and attaches no feeling tone to trigger indifference: this does not concern me. 

The mind uses these presorted memories as a data base to which if refers to sort sensoury input (six senses). This data base is used to give rise to perception: I know what this is. and this includes information in regard to attraction, aversion and indifference. 

Stripping back the feeling tone within this data base, alters the way the mind perceives present experience and leaves it open to interpretation in regard to appropriate relationship. 

The appropriate relationship is then conditioned by sila (harmonising) which is supported by panna (verified wisdom), which become the data base for the mind. Hence the importance of Right View.

**Note: During this training we take a soft approach and also access pleasant memories, in actual application this is not the case.

1. Take your meditation posture. 
2. Ground your awareness within the experience of your body as it sits. 
3. Observe what it feels like to be present, within your body – here, now - safe. 
4. Bring to mind a pleasant memory from the past, observe change in the experience of your body. 
5. Notice its pleasantness (vedana) as a flavour or taste of the physical response.
6. Notice the attraction towards this pleasantness as enjoyment within the mind.
7. Using six slow softening breaths, soften into your relationship towards it.
8. Repeat this process, learn to observe the physical response to the pleasant memory (kaya) as a reflection of your mind (citta). Learn to separate out the feeling tone (vedana) and observe what happens when you soften your relationship towards the underlying vedana.

 **Note: During this guided meditation we take a soft approach and also access pleasant memories, in actual application this is not the case.

Follow this cycle six times, at the end of each softening checking your progress with three simple questions:

“Is the emotional charge in my body stronger, the same or weaker now that I have softened than it was when I first brought the memory to mind?”

Monitoring Progress

If the emotional charge is stronger then you need to refine your mindfulness and softening skills, do not practice this meditation further. If the emotional charge is the same you need to develop your softening skill, there is still some resistance present. 

If the emotional charge is weaker now then your softening and mindfulness are strong enough. Apply five more cycles of deconditioning to this memory.

Be curious about the relationship between memories and the feeling tone present. observe that when a memory is brought to mind a corresponding feeling is released within your body. 

Observe the undeniable urge to escape from unpleasant feeling, to search for pleasant feeling and to stop paying attention when neutral feeling is present. 

Observe that when you soften / relax all resistance or attraction against that feeling that the feeling and emotional charge attached to the memory start to fade.

This is a high skill, MIDL technique, and during this training mindfulness meditation becomes very real. We intentionally trigger painful memories to develop understanding of the heart / mind and to decondition Vedana (feeling tone) from these memories.   

If you want to try this MIDL deconditioning technique, do so at your own discretion. If you have not done the earlier training and developed your mindfulness, concentration and softening skills then you are likely to become lost within the emotional charge and resist the unpleasantness. 

In this case you either need to commit to the MIDL systematic training or have someone skilled in this technique to guide you to develop this skill.

• To intentionally decondition emotional charge and feeling tone (vedana) from thoughts and memories. 
• To learn how to decondition emotional charge and feeling tone in daily life before it habitually conditions as defensive patterns within the mind.
• To weaken the minds habitual entanglement with the past and future.

The MIDL method of Deconditioning develops the higher skill of deconditioning emotional charge and feeling tone (vedana), attached to thoughts and memories. 

The mind has a simple survival sorting mechanism in which it uses feeling tone to sort memories as dangerous or safe. It attaches pleasant feeling to signify safe memories or unpleasant feeling if the memory is perceived as being dangerous and attaches no feeling tone to trigger indifference: this does not concern me. 

The mind uses these presorted memories as a data base to which if refers to sort sensoury input (six senses). This data base is used to give rise to perception: I know what this is. and this includes information in regard to attraction, aversion and indifference. 

Stripping back the feeling tone within this data base, alters the way the mind perceives present experience and leaves it open to interpretation in regard to appropriate relationship. 

The appropriate relationship is then conditioned by sila (harmonising) which is supported by panna (verified wisdom), which become the data base for the mind. Hence the importance of Right View. 

Before doing this meditation, select the memory that you are going to work with during the session. 

Memories are linked, so your mind may swap from one to another while using this deconditioning technique. Whenever you notice that the memory has swapped, gently bring your attention back to the one you are working with. 

Always stay with the emotional charge within your body rather than the story contained within the memory. You could even write it down before starting to direct your attention.

Begin by sitting comfortably and bringing your awareness to the experience of just sitting in a chair or on the floor, this will be your grounding point to reality. Once settled, bring one difficult memory to mind and gently hold it within your awareness. Learn this skill by starting with a memory in which the emotional charge is not too strong. 

As you bring this memory to mind, notice the experience of emotion as it arises within your body, particularly around the centre of your chest. Know that this is just a reflection of the past, it is not the reality of what is happening ‘now’, and cannot hurt you. 

Break up the experience of the emotion within your body into sensations: such as 'hard', 'tight', 'heavy', 'warm' etc. Notice the underlying feeling of unpleasantness that fills the experience of the emotion like a flavour / taste (the vedana). and soften / relax deeply into your relationship towards the unpleasant feeling (attraction/aversion) using the softening into skill. 

Note: 

The softening into skill is the accumulation of Meditation Skills 28-32: Relaxing intention. Re-engaging the diaphragm. Extending the out-breath through the nose. Relaxing the eyelids. Relaxing the frontal lobes. 

When combined, these five softening skills turn off all aspects of the stress response except for the release of adrenaline/cortisol in the body. However, softening lowers the unpleasantness of this stress reaction, thus lowering the response through mindful non-participation. 

When the original triggers are deconditioned from the mind, through softening, adrenaline/cortisol are no longer triggered to release in the presence of the experience/stressful situation.

Do not try to make any unpleasant feeling go away, but rather deeply relax into it, holding it gently in mind and accepting it. Abandon all participation with it, soften all effort. Do this for five softening breaths, allowing your breathing to return to normal after the fifth softening breath. 

After opening your eyes, give your body a shake to release the residue of any physical tension held within your body. Then without bringing the memory to mind again, check the strength of the emotional charge within your body to gauge the deconditioning based on the below formula. 

1. Take your meditation posture. 
2. Ground your awareness within the experience of your body as it sits. 
3. Observe what it feels like to be present, within your body – here, now - safe.  
4. Bring to mind an unpleasant memory from the past, observe change in the experience of your body.
5. Notice its unpleasantness (vedana) as a flavour or taste of the physical response
6. Notice any aversion towards this unpleasantness as resistance within the mind. 
7. Using six slow softening breaths, soften into your relationship towards it.
8. Repeat this process, learn to observe the physical response to the unpleasant memory (kaya) as a reflection of your mind (citta). Learn to separate out the feeling tone (vedana) and observe what happens when you soften your relationship towards the underlying vedana.

Follow this cycle six times, at the end of each softening checking your progress with three simple questions:  

“Is the emotional charge in my body stronger, the same or weaker now that I have softened than it was when I first brought the memory to mind?”

Monitoring Progress

If the emotional charge is stronger then you need to refine your mindfulness and softening skills, do not practice this meditation further. If the emotional charge is the same you need to develop your softening skill, there is still some resistance present. 

If the emotional charge is weaker now, then your softening and mindfulness are strong enough. Apply five more cycles of deconditioning to this memory.

Be curious about the relationship between memories and the feeling tone present. observe that when a memory is brought to mind a corresponding feeling is released within your body. 

Observe the undeniable urge to escape from unpleasant feeling, to search for pleasant feeling and to stop paying attention when neutral feeling is present. 

Observe that when you soften / relax all resistance or attraction against that feeling that the feeling and emotional charge attached to the memory start to fade.

Once you have lowered your experience of anxiety and there has been an increase in the period of time in which the diaphragm is engaged in autonomous breathing, it is time to decondition past triggers from the memory bank within your mind. 

Sorting Mechanism: 

The mind attaches a pleasant or unpleasant feeling (vedana) to each memory in order to sort them into dangerous or safe. When a memory is accessed, this feeling is released triggering a conditioned emotional response within our body. 

A habitual pattern based on attraction or aversion then unfolds (the tendency towards indifference arises if no feeling tone is present). By understanding how this process works, you can remove the feeling tone from memories quickly, thereby removing the conditions necessary for motivating habitual defensive patterns, bringing the anxious cycle to an end. 

Deconditioning Vedana from Memories

Deconditioning is dependent on your earlier training in the ability to manipulate the stress response through the use of slow diaphragmatic breaths. 

During earlier MIDL training you also learnt how to ‘borrow’ the deflation of your body with each out-breath in order to abandon any mental engagement/resistance to the memory. First you create the conditions for meditation, relaxed, sitting on the chair/floor, present, safe in the room. you then bring to mind a memory that was preselected and hold it gently in mind. 

To decondition the emotional charge and its attached vedana, it is not necessary to know what the memory is about or how it come to be; it is your relationship towards it that is important. You then observe the emotion that is released from the memory, it is helpful to remind yourself that you are safe by softening into your body. 

Once awareness is grounded in your body, start to notice the unpleasantness of the emotion as it releases within your body, understanding that it is just a danger signal produced by your survival mind as a signal of danger; unpleasant feeling cannot hurt you in any way. 

You are safe.

You then use slow, softening breaths, to soften/relax your relationship towards the unpleasant feeling, towards any resistance. Not trying to make it go away, accepting it, letting it be. 

This is done using a cycle of five breaths and is focused on both physical and mental relaxation. If this is successful you will notice that when you open your eyes, it is difficult to do and happens slowly as it will take your mind a while to re-engage with the world. 

If, however, your eyes want to open fast, then it is a sign that you did not reach deep mental relaxation and need to refine your ability to soften. 

You then ask some simple questions on your current experience, be careful not to bring the unpleasant memory to mind at this stage so that you do not influence these results:

"Is the emotion in your body stronger after the five softening breaths, the same or weaker than it was before?”

1. If it is ‘stronger’ then your resistance is high, and another method should be entered into, or you should return to learning how to soften with each out-breath.  
2. If it is the same, then there was some resistance in your relaxing and you should try to relax/abandon more deeply next time.
3. If the emotional charge is weaker, then your ability to soften is good and your mind has started to weaken the danger signal (vedana) attached to the memory. If it became weaker, then generally after another 5 repeats of the same process you will be able to hold a traumatic memory in mind without any reaction at all. Other memories can then be accessed methodically, start with an easier, less painful memory and gradually progress as you develop confidence in the process.

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